Random Thoughts 9

Monday, December 06, 2010

- “Destructive activities also tend to leave you feeling compelled to continue rather than feeling in control of your decision”

- I learned a lot about addiction today, a big thing being that it releases dopamine in your brain, and dopamine causes “tunnel vision” of sorts, where you really just don’t think about the whole picture. I have seen when this happens in myself, and I need to be careful.

- So I think I have some sort of expectation that if I don’t make a girl laugh a lot, she’s not having fun and thus won’t enjoy being around me. I’m thinking this isn’t very accurate, although I’m good at making girls laugh in group settings, the majority of my social interactions is one on one, and we generally have deeper conversations with less laughing. Despite this, girls seem to enjoy my company. I need to change my expectations.

Tuesday, December 07, 2010

- ‎"There's a reason God gave us 2 ears and only 1 mouth, listening is twice as important as talking. But, He gave us 10 fingers! He must really want us to poke things!!!!!”

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

- Oooh, note to self: find a tape recorder and tape Jason talking to himself for an hour so you have proof/examples for other people.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

- “The right to be right (in your manager’s eyes or in your government’s eyes) is irrelevant; only the right to be wrong makes you free” – Peopleware 135

- A thought inspired by The Way of Kings (excellent read!) but if someone consistently and reliably acts in a way different then who they supposedly are, when do they cross the line of officially becoming the person they are pretending to be?...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

- “Nothing is less productive than to make more efficient what should not be done at all.” -Peter Drucker

- Well, most of my week has been dominated by finishing my last assignments, working on my resume, and brainstorming about the WoW contract posted below.

WoW Contract

Well, I spent about 6 hours discussing/brainstorming/writing with Stephie, Mom, Andrew, and CJ about this, and I’ve decided/concluded that I am going to play WoW. However, my main reasons for not playing WoW were:

1. I hate HATE it when cute girls come over and want to do something, and I end up telling them “I can’t I’m in an instance.”

2. I often can’t think of all the other things I was going to do, because my mind keeps coming back to WoW. Thus all sorts of real-life productive things I was going to do get postponed, or delayed indefinitely. When I fail to do real-life things because of WoW, WoW goes.

3. I tend to play addictively (more than I’d like).

To combat these, I’ve decided to write up this contract, which I plan to share with many so they’ll hold me to it. It’s easy to break rules one’s never set. But if you’re one of my WoW friends who wants me to play and you’re reading this, you might want to help kick me off, or make sure I’m sticking to my guidelines. Because if I feel I’m not advancing my real-life enough, I’ll cut WoW out again.

1. If someone comes over and wants to do something in real-life, and I genuinely want to go with them, but I feel obligated to stay because I’m in a raid/instance/etc, I WILL leave mid instance, right before the big boss attempt, after we’re already saved, whatever. I’ll be that jerk that leaves everyone high and dry. I don’t anticipate this happening terribly often, particularly during Christmas break when everyone goes home for the holiday. But just consider it a standing risk that anytime you bring me to an instance or raid, I may bail. You’ve been warned. Sorry in advance J.

2. I can’t get on WoW until I’ve been out of bed and going for a full hour. Giving me time to read my scriptures, and review my to-do list for non-WoW things I’d like to do that day.

3. I must spend 3 hours a day doing stuff on my to-do list (or at least other non-WoW things I deem useful). If you’re interested, my current list is at the bottom.

4. I won’t start with a time limit on daily WoW provided I feel like I’m being productive enough. However it’s a definite step if I feel I’m overplaying. I’ll use the parental controls built into WoW, likely giving the password and access to someone besides myself or any WoW related friends.

And I think that’s it! Thanks for reading :P

Current To-Do

1. Modify resume / Apply for jobs

2. Replace back rest / Follow up on new chair

3. Study for tests

4. Read books (one second after, the overton window, any religious books, empires, flatland, Joseph Smith stuff)

5. See the doctor about your toe

6. Brainstorm/attempt ways to empty your own pee bag

7. Record music

8. Christmas shopping

9. Social security income data gathering

10. Sell back textbooks

11. for fun programming projects (CS235, mysql, facebook app, game)

12. prepare Sunday lesson

13. improve website

14. get recorded speaking message

15. magnify calling (talks to teachers, roll)

16. come up with new speeches

17. Groceries

Code of Ethics

This was technically homework, that we didn't have to post, but I liked it and wanted to share. We were supposed to write about a few principles that govern our lives.

" Alright, I find that I convey my thoughts best in a free write type environment. That being said I’ll just list some general principles and expand on them. Note these ethics are not in any sort of order of priority. They are all just things that make a difference in many of my decisions.

1. Golden Rule

Whether it’s just in my blood, or my parents instilled it in my at an early age I don’t know, but I have always had a strong “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” complex. For example, I like my peace and quiet when I’m trying to do homework on campus. So I assume others would like the same. If I’m doing homework in the same hallway as a stranger, I don’t turn on music, or have a 45 minute phone conversation, it just seems rude.

2. What if everyone was like this?

I tend to think in terms of “what if everyone acted this way?” For example, if I try to spend time with a girl, and she turns out to be busy, sometimes there’s a temptation to think “fine! I’ll just never call them again” and brood. But it’s not like I’ve never turned someone down because I was busy. If everyone quit after one frustration in a friendship, all communication would cease. Not that I believe everyone should act the same as me (we’re glad not everyone is a CS major), I just want to make sure my choices have their place in a healthy society.

3. What effect will it have on the relationship

One of the most powerful principles my parents ever taught me was that relationships are more important than events/things. I remember vividly at a very young age upsetting my younger brother somehow (I probably hit him, or took a toy, or something stupid like that) and my Mom told me it doesn’t matter why I did it, either way I’ve damaged my trust with my brother now. This has helped IMMENSELY in my life. It has been much easier to drop an argument when I think about how the relationship is more important than being right. Or to do something I don’t feel like doing when I realize how much it means to the other person. Or any number of applications.

4. Is it morally in line with the church

For the most part this is a knee-jerk response rather than something I think about consciously. But I definitely try to live my life within all the bounds of the church. I’ve never taken long to consider drugs or murder or pornography as being good ideas after all. I generally do my best to live within the standards of the church. And the times I fail I’m not usually acting under the assumption I’m doing something right, more likely I’m justifying my weakness, or not thinking at all.

5. Legality

Whether something is legal or not is also important to me. I was constantly on edge even for things as dumb as being in the park after 10:30. A big exception I can think of is I used to skip class a fair amount back in high school guilt free…

6. Am I drawn to it

Having a passion or interest in what I’m doing is important. I wasn’t drawn to sports, so I didn’t get into sports. I wasn’t drawn to art, so I didn’t get into art. I was interested in computers, so I spent time on computers. If I want to spend more time with someone, I try to find opportunities with them. Otherwise I probably won’t. This to me seems like a general human nature rule rather than a Corby-specific principle, but I thought I’d mention anyway.

I doubt this is a comprehensive list, however it covers a good amount of bases."

Like a Moth to the Flame

“Destructive activities also tend to leave you feeling compelled to continue rather than feeling in control of your decision.”[1] What a powerful statement. This is highly prevalent in video games, in the need to reach the next level, or play just one more match. But it also shows up in the draw to stay up-to-date on every sit-com, or to take illegal drugs. I’ve certainly felt this compulsion in my own life. Hopefully in the future when I feel compelled to continue it will set off a warning in my mind that gives me the resolve to take control.

Random Thoughts 8

Monday, November 29, 2010

- Yeah, my vision is definitely getting a little worse, and it’s a little harder to make people feel special when it takes a second to recognize them at a distance.

- Saw a funny status, “If every day is a gift, where can I return Monday? I think mine is defective.”

-“You should try not to talk so much, friend,” he suggested. “You’ll sound far less stupid that way.” Mistborn

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

- "And how do you get such a testimony? Well, there’s no new technology for that, nor will there ever be. You cannot do a Google search to gain a testimony. You can’t text message faith. You gain a vibrant, life-changing testimony today the same way it has always been done. The process hasn’t been changed. It comes through desire, study, prayer, obedience, and service. That is why the teachings of prophets and apostles, past and present, are as relevant to your life today as they ever have been." - M. Russell Ballard (Learning Lessons of the Past, April 2009)

- So Dad asked me what my plans are after graduation, and I gave him my 5 minute schpiel about how skills aren’t as important in CS as work ethic, and how people good at the job often end up project managers, and how I feel like I’d fit in that category, and it’s great because it’s a way to combine technical knowledge and people skills. Also how I hate the idea of people managing jobs they know nothing about, so if I’m going to be a team lead someday first I want to know what it’s like to be on a team, so I want to start in a bottom technical job of some sort.

Anyway the point I realized afterwards that if I heard someone talking like I had been talking, I’d assume they know all about the stuff they’re talking about, and they were just being modest/humble or some such. I can really talk the talk with this type of stuff now, and I don’t even have to know the know. Weird, or something.

- Not being able to put one’s self in bed is DEFINITELY annoying some nights.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

- There was enough snow to power-slide my chair 4 feet or so on the sidewalks this morning. Epiiicc!

- Mom tells me I should date older women because the younger ones have this unrealistic expectation of a guy and won’t really take me with my wheelchair deficits, whereas an older girl would have had more life experience and can recognize me for who I am rather than some fairy tale expectation. This makes a bunch of sense, and I didn’t disagree with her logic. I mostly take out younger girls because they’re my only options for the most part, but I’m entirely willing to take out older girls too. I realized a counter point to my Mom’s suggestion though. The only two girls that I met and dated after breaking my neck have been Katie and Karina. Katie was 17 when I met her and she never had any reservations from the very start (which was amazing) and if I remember right, Karina was 18 when we met and it was pretty much amazing from the get go again. Evidence suggests age has nothing to do with it, it’s the same dating story of “you just happen to find someone that’s attracted back” except my chance of finding one has been further reduced.

- I had two thoughts on possible “why’s” my dating success has been less lately. Number one, and this will sound weird, but I’m less forward. In the first message I ever sent to Katie, I commented on how beautiful she was three times, and I’d never even met her. Creepy much? Similar with Karina. Maybe being 100% open scares some people away yes, but people who also love being open stick around? I think #1 people are more inclined to be open and receptive over a less personal medium like online messages, sad but true. And since I don’t message people as often, rather I do lunch or something, it’s not the place for comfort. #2 I used to go for girls who had lower confidence, so being abrupt about how attractive I find them is a big plus for them. Whereas the girls I’d prefer now are confident, and so compliments aren’t as powerful, although still appreciated I know. I still compliment people mind you. #3 Telling 3 girls how amazing they are at once feels almost like cheating on them. If I make every girl feel like they’re my favorite, I’m lying to at least two. As such I don’t make any girl feel like she’s my favorite, just that she’s strongly appreciated. Which is a bit less potent then how I acted in high school.

- Random thought two, I’m much less helpless wheelchairwise than I used to be. Maybe I was handicapped enough that there was a clear distinction and so they made a conscious choice to be ok with it. And now I’m close enough to ‘normal’ that they don’t see it as a whole different can of worms but rather just minor shortcomings that aren’t their preference, and they don’t want that. Either way they might not want it so meh.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

- So a reoccurring observation I’m having lately is that most principles in life seem to apply to most aspect of life. For example, the “expenses expand to fit your income” idea also seems to apply in “homework motivation flexes to fit just under homework load” (for me) and so forth. Seemingly not the same thing at all but an overall concept of “ fluctuates in relation to ” shows up everywhere. I’ll bet half the time we have one of those “Aha!” moments where it’s like “I’ve known this forever but I never really got it until now” are more us applying a principle we already knew to another aspect of our life.

- I wish I could record my conversations with Steph and paste them here, it’d triple the amount of interesting thoughts I put down.

- Complaining has a purpose of finding what to do next, after that it’s just draining.

- Maybe I should find a goal with Jason? Nahh.

- I think this is funny, but I was basically daydreaming about being up high in a business where everyone is pushing to make a decision that I disagree with vehemently. The idea of going, “If we do this, I’m breaking all ties with the company, I’ll have no part in this. Mark my words, this will destroy the company.” And walking away feels invigorating haha.

- What’s the big difference between light drugs and alcohol? Both put you in an altered state that makes things more fun (or so I hear. Both are potentially addicting. Both are not good for your body. The only big difference I see is one is legal (although we tried to make it illegal) and one is illegal (although we are trying to make it legal, how ironic).

Friday, December 03, 2010

- Sooo… I totally saw a guy walking two llamas on the sidewalk on the way home. That was unexpected.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

- So I’m not sure this fits into the “ fluctuates in relation to ” principle I’ve observed… Actually I don’t like stuff vs limit… I’ll refine this sometime. But anyway, a similar manifestation is that peoples need to sleep fluctuates with the time church starts at. Whether it’s at 9 or 1. People who make it a priority show up on time or in the first ten minutes regularly. People who it’s less of a priority (an obligation maybe?) seem to find a way to stay up late enough that they “need” the sleep such that they don’t show up until long into the first block, or later. It’s sad that like ¼ of college ward attendance seems to follow this pattern.

- People are ten times more willing to listen to a ten minute update on your life than they are to read a ten minute update of your life.

- It’s a good thing one doesn’t always have to feel the spirit in order to help others feel the spirit. I’m glad I can help others sometimes by singing.

- So I have a pretty bad better-than-Jason complex, it really bugs me how much (I assume) he just wants attention. But! I found somewhere I’m guilty of the same thing, or a similar thing anyway. Wanting attention is in the same boat as wanting to be needed. I haven’t hung out with Karissa much at all since CJ got back. And today while driving I wondered why that is? There’s various factors, like the distance, having new people to meet, etc. But a big one is my assumption that she enjoys being with CJ more. Which I believe is true, but the question is, why does this even matter? If we both enjoy being around each other, who cares if I’m not her favorite? She’s not my favorite either. The carnal thought is “she likes being with so and so more, so she doesn’t need me.” Well lah dee fricken’ dah. It’s weird how this seems to be a common natural instinct. I’m glad I caught this consciously so I can ignore it. I wonder where else it effects me that I haven’t realized?...