Random Thoughts 30 (7/1/2012)

Wednesday, June 06, 2012
- “’You get what you pay for’ applies to spiritual matters too.” – Elder Holland, October 2010
- “She gives me presents, with her presence alone.” – Jack Johnson, Angel

Sunday, June 10, 2012
- At ward prayer, someone shared a great talk from 1952 by President Kimball. It talked about how often times we can’t see the end from the beginning, we just need to take a step forward anyway. Nephi didn’t know how he’d get to the plates when he went in. Moses didn’t know how he’d cross the Red Sea. There was no ram in the thicket when Abraham went up to sacrifice his son. It was perfectly stated too, but I tried looking it up and didn’t find it. The search on LDS.org is not very good. It finds a bunch of hits with matching “the” and “of”s… but a 1952 talk might not be on there anyway :P.
- Was thinking about what I could be doing better and singing O Lord My Redeemer in the car, and the lyrics “And the more that I'd inquire, the hotter burned the fire. I found joy, beyond compare.” Hit me hard. How can I expect answers if I don’t ask questions?

Monday, June 11, 2012
- Me: Procrastinate. It's the only logical course of action. Kate:  what are you putting off? besides a fair amount of sex appeal ;). Me: That was the best response, I have EVER received, to any comment EVER

Wednesday, June 13, 2012
- So I just got an automated call that said “Hi this is Bob Bennett. I apologize for intruding on our evening with a robo call but I think this is important.” And I said “alright Bob.” And the call hung up, haha.

Friday, June 15, 2012
- I’ve come closer to really believing I’ll never get married in mortality than ever before during this past week. I dislike my lack of faith.
- Those who followed Satan in the pre-mortal world lacked trust in God to get them to eternal life. How often in mortality do we do the same? (prompted by Elder Eyering Oct 2010 Sunday morning)

Saturday, June 16, 2012
- Super awesome day! It started with a great episode of Legend of Korra, and ended with dinner at Neal’s place that night. But probably my favorite was mid-day. Micah and Josh brought their friend Cullen, and I got Rob and Spencer (DnD with Steph friends) over, and we made our crew for the Mistborn adventure game. It was super fun brainstorming with that bunch of guys! I’m super excited to get to play! But it won’t be frequent, lol. Thus far I don’t think we’ll meet up until July 21st at the earliest haha.
- Dinner at Neal’s was also good though. I wanted an excuse to see some Orem people. So we got Todd Schriener, Camilla Meyer, and Jorden Hobush over. Me and Jorden are supposedly going to go see the midnight showing of Brave (the new pixar movie) Friday, so that should be fun too. But the best part of the whole thing was after Neal took me back to my chair (I was stuck on his couch before) and we got to talk 1 on 1 for an hour. It’s good hearing him talk about wanting to be more motivated (church and life) although he doesn’t quite have the right motivators around right now it seems haha. Especially with Andrew getting married. P.s. Andrew Clark is engaged! Marriage in September. They won’t get married in the temple at first L Megan has a past. But as Neal understands it, Andrew is confident Megan is re-committed and moving in the right direction. I hope it’s the case, Andrew deserves someone who supports him in the gospel.

Sunday, June 17, 2012
- Another reason I love cats. Gambit sleeping, head on my shoulder, stretched out between my arm and my torso, with a paw on my face.

- So I’ve tried the solving a problem per week thing. And it’s been TOTALLY SUCCESSFUL! We found an apartment for me Cj and Josh. I took a half-day off and we all went shopping  12-4. Finally settled on Ventana apartments behind the Krispy Kremes near UVU. Way bigger than my Wolverine Crossing place, just as close to the freeway, and I’ll even have the roll in shower I want! Then the second week my objective was advertizing for bowel care help. I got sick mid week so that slowed me down and I haven’t posted these yet… But on Friday I made…

- If you feast on the scriptures, they WILL tell you all things you should do. If you look forward to scripture reading like you look forward to eating on fast Sunday. If every day is a scripture fast, you'll be worthy of the above blessing.

Monday, June 18, 2012
- Me: “OH YOU REMINDED ME OF SOMETHIN... I'm shouting aren't I?” Sarah “You are what we call cyber-shouting, yes.” Me: “Who does "we" include? I mean, I'd assume you and I, since we're (<-- see the "we" in that?) the ones having a conversation. But then if I'm included in "we", how is it that I'm being introduced to a definition already established by we? So confused...”
- I figured out why there are more awesome and physically attractive women than there are men. See, when someone lacks the standard "popular" traits, they tend to make up for it by developing an awesome personality. Good looks is the foremost requirement of "popular" people. My experience of girls as a whole is they never believe they're as beautiful as they really are. So, believing their looks less, they make up for it with awesome personality. But in the end they actually have BOTH!
- Audrey just called at random and apologized for “treating you like crap. And I don’t ever say crap so that’s saying something.” And it was nice. I have felt stepped on a lot and I was ready to let it just dwindle into whatever. But I also don’t like holding grudges. So I’m happy to do my best to go back like it’s a clean slate.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012
- “All I know is I don’t know how to be someone you miss.” Sappy Taylor Swift lyric that resonated with me today haha.

Friday, June 22, 2012
- Still pretty low on dating. I have an active run around type personality, so I tend to be attracted to similar girls. However, girls like that tend to be attracted to similar guys. Since I can’t actually run around and play ultimate Frisbee, or soccer, or go hiking, etc, I can’t seem to hold said type of girls interest. So it feels like I can’t have that type of girl. I also don’t want someone that feels like I’m settling for someone though. Whoever I marry deserves to feel like I love everything about them, I’m not good at faking genuineness. Anyway it adds up to feeling pretty hopeless. This was spurred a bit because I don’t think I have a chance with Alicia at this point when Marcus is interested in her (and her back) and he can do all the things I used to do but can’t now.

Saturday, June 23, 2012
- Youth activity summit! Awesome activity. Some of my favorite highlight quotes conveyed John Bytheway or Sheri Dew.
- “Regardless of your original intention, you will eventually become what you surround yourself with.” And “You are the average of the 5 people you hang around with most.” These really make me wonder about what and who Neal and Micah surround themselves with. But as far as I go? I think I’m doing ok. Not great but ok haha. 5 most common
     Sheri Dew:
“There’s a common lie that a ’balanced man’ deliberately guards against becoming too righteous.” (Elder Carlos)
- Fun dating activity idea. John Bytheway showed a clip from candid camera where people would walk into an elevator and face the opposite direction, and see if people would follow suit. It’d be fun to come up with and do some candid camera-like activities.
- Suggested number getting line I thought was fun haha "I'd love to get to know you better. And I'd kick myself if I didn't get your number!" The dating coach was fun, but her whole lecture centered on first interactions. I can get a number if I really want, or go on dates. Making any of those turn into meaningful relationships is the hard part.

Sunday, June 24, 2012
- Audrey is still awkward around me haha. She just reacts differently than before to my jokes or sillyness or serious comments or anything really. Goof.
- So sacrament meeting is a good time to make and review weekly goals, this week they were:
- Read a chapter in the BoM every day.
- Read a chapter in the OT thrice a week.
- Index a batch
- Temple (I only go bi-monthly)
    And I totally did them all. I also like to throw in a non reoccurring problem to solve, like fixing my car or deciding where to move. Haven’t always hit those goals every week.
- Awesome quotes from the fireside tonight with Dan Clark:
“If we became what we thought about, I'd be a woman by now.”
“I was so skinny I had to jump back and forth in the shower to get wet.”
“You’d make a lousy someone else, so who is the real you?”
“Self esteem and motivation don't change behavior. Behavior changes behavior.”
“There's a huge difference between being discouraged or disappointed, and being depressed.” So true by the way! I think people assume depression far too quickly when it’s really just discouragement, I know I’m currently discouraged :/.
“Ask not how to get better but why should I get better, and the how follows.” 1 Nephi 3:7
- “Don't be depressed about growing older. It will make you feel even older. Which is depressing.” – Sarah Flinders Blog

Monday, June 25, 2012
- Try reading scriptures out loud, like you’re recording it for posterity.
- I often feel like there’s actually nothing wrong and I’m just a big whiner when I show up to the doctors office.
- The weird thing about having a 9-5 job is I’m used to change. Classes changing, routines shifting… but with a 9-5, there’s hardly any change in routine. Weird. Note, stuff I work on between 9-5 shifts all the time, and it’s very engaging, I love being a developer J. But the “work 9-5” block doesn’t change.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012
- So I used to date cute girls with low confidence, and I haven’t for years now. But I had the thought I went for those girls because I had confidence in their potential. Have I lost faith in them? Or become more selfish in my expectations? Or was my preference shift really a good thing? I don’t know, or really care to answer it right now since I’m not focusing on dating anyway, but it was an interesting thought. And if I don’t write such thoughts down I stop having interesting thoughts.
- Sat next to Camilla from Ireland in institute. Every time she comments it makes me smile haha. Accents are awesome.
- Had to have CJ drive me to work in my new van today while my radiator was getting fixed in my old van. And #1 I really dislike being a passenger, I’m way too used to always driving haha. #2 since CJ was in Orem already, I spent the majority of the last 2 hours of work asking team leads if they could use an intern and telling them about CJ, then bringing CJ in and letting them have an unofficial interview while I went back to work. He basically interviewed for 2 hours straight, but it was good, we talked about it the whole way home. We have high hopes one will pan out :D.
- We all have the light of Christ. One of it’s roles is to act as our conscience. One of the easiest ways to chase it out is by blaming others. Did Christ ever blame anyone for anything ever?
- Even with the Gift of the Holy Ghost we still make mistakes, but it will warn us before we ever make a big mistake (Boyd K Packer, 2011). I don’t remember getting a warning before breaking my neck. I think that’s another small witness it was meant to be.
-  Learned a little tonight about the Holy Ghost’s role as the Holy Spirit of Promise. Who seals our actions in this life. This was a new one to me, I should learn more.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012
- Work chat highlight “I used to play video games, but then I took a wife to the knee” hahah.

Thursday, June 28, 2012
- Took the day off and went to Yuba Lake for a Higgins family reunion. It was pretty fun. I knew most everyone would be out on boats the whole time, and so I was excited to play this “fourteen across” solitaire type game I learned at a previous family reunion. But it was CRAZY windy! Like no fun to be outside windy, and throw stuff off the table windy. I had my computer though, and I wanted to play that game!! So I coded it up and managed to play twice (and fail, haha) before my laptop battery died.

Friday, June 29, 2012
- I keep waking up and feeling like after the events of the night, my life will now be significantly different. But it’s not, and I can’t remember what about my dreams would make me feel so haha.
- “And God created Saturn and he liked it, so he put a ring on it.” haha

Saturday, June 30, 2012
- Fun day. Josh is in Japan, so picked up Landon to play board games with me and Micah. We played Stone Age twice and I won both, the first by a fair margin, the second by ONE point! It was like 212 to 213 or something. After Micah left me and Landon went for a walk haha. Discussed philosophy and video games place in our lives (if any) and Andrew’s engagement and such… it was great. Then we came back and played Carcassone with CJ… with FIVE EXPANSION PACKS! So many extra rules! I got absolutely destroyed that game, CJ won by a ton, but it was fun.

Sunday, July 01, 2012
- I may have wrote this already, but I reversed a previous dating conclusion recently. I’ve talked long ago about how every girlfriend I’ve had was just a natural progression to togetherness, I didn’t have to try to go on multiple dates before they started to like me or I them, it almost always was just right up front there was a connection that led to a relationship. However, this is like a Hollywood version of relationships, and real life isn’t like the movies. So I decided maybe I need to try multiple dates, or take out great people who I’m not drawn to yet but think I could be. I’ve been trying that for a good while, it’s why I was pretty much going on a date a week or more for quite a while. But this extra effort stratagem doesn’t seem to be making any difference in my success rate. So I’m stepping it back to “if I want to take them out, I will. But I won’t force myself to try to find someone to take out if there’s no one that’s genuinely calling to me.” Maybe I’ll switch back to focused dating again after moving out, but this is the now.
- Can you get an answer to a prayer about what to pray and fast about? It seems like whatever you prayed about as a possibility, you didn't answer like "yeah that's a great idea!" That being said, today I’m fasting about finding and having the courage to participate in some sort of service. I’m still in a bit of a slump.  I’d like to lose myself in something good, something not alone at my computer, and something service oriented.