Had a fun/sad/interesting/night Thursday (May 31 2012). And now I'm in a blabbing mode so I'll tell the whole story. It was a combined ward Thursday night activity that I didn't think I'd be able to go to because of work, but the late nights I've been putting in HAVE paid off! And although we were hoping to be done by two, we still got done by 4:30 PM! Which is 12 hours faster than our norm lately haha. Anyway with the amount of overtime I've been doing lately, I've generally been burned out and not feeling very social. I know I SHOULD still be somewhat social though so I committed to myself go to this activity anyway... a half hour late haha.
Tangent, it was "Riverton first ward Dutch oven cookoff that our ward is invited to!" As I expected, our ward turnout was not very good, and I have a theory of why, because it's how I felt when it was announced to us. Our activities committee made it sound like it was just the other ward, and we'd be tagging along. Which is essentially true. But it makes it sound like someone else is going to be doing all the work and we're just going to show up and mooch off their food. No one likes mooching or imposing. If our activities committee had said it was a combined activity and the other ward is providing the food this time, it would at least make it sound like we have a right to be there rather than we were coming as an afterthought. I plan to convey the importance of that phrasing difference to our activities committee if they're interested.
Anyway, not feeling very social I was worried it would be terrible. Although I called Audrey and verified she'd be there. She hasn't talk to me for more than three minutes at a time in months, so I knew if she was the only one I knew it would be lame. When I got there though I saw a girl in the other ward who I used to home teach back in Orem. Aubrey (b not d haha) and I wasn't afraid to go talk to her. Which kicked me into comfortable enough mode for talking to other people I didn't know.
Anyway the real catalyst for this whole free write was my second thirty seconds with Audrey that night. She admitted to me that she never talks for me very long and she stops responding to my texts because I irritate her easily, which flipped on a light switch! I can totally tell when she gets irritated with me in person. I just never really thought that it was at me for some reason before. She's a pretty emotional girl, and most of them are usually happy excited feelings. But whatever she feels it's always very strong. Talking to her a little more later, it made me feel like I am to her how Jason was to me.
It's funny though because she pesters me to post a new blog. It's going to be weird posting this knowing she reads it. So I'm not going to expand on everything I thought about. But I asked her why she cares to read my blog still. And she said "just because you say things that irritate me doesn't mean we're not friends." Which can be true, and I believe she means it. Sometimes I tend to think of things into much of a black-and-white. But really, my friends that irritate me regularly I rarely make an effort to see. Even those who don't bother me I don't have enough time to see. It would be awesome if I could hang out with Landon and Neal and CJ as often as I see Micah and Josh. But there's just not enough time in a week.
Anyway, I just don't like the idea of being annoying to anyone. I know you can't make everyone happy but I don't have to like it. There is a small consolation in that I had already came to the conclusion that me and Audrey are pretty different, and sometimes I felt bad that we don't text or talk as often as were used to. I've tried to spark such conversations quite a few times actually and they always died off. Now I know why, I guess I'll feel less guilty about it.