Activities and irritation

Had a fun/sad/interesting/night Thursday (May 31 2012). And now I'm in a blabbing mode so I'll tell the whole story. It was a combined ward Thursday night activity that I didn't think I'd be able to go to because of work, but the late nights I've been putting in HAVE paid off! And although we were hoping to be done by two, we still got done by 4:30 PM! Which is 12 hours faster than our norm lately haha. Anyway with the amount of overtime I've been doing lately, I've generally been burned out and not feeling very social. I know I SHOULD still be somewhat social though so I committed to myself go to this activity anyway... a half hour late haha.

Tangent, it was "Riverton first ward Dutch oven cookoff that our ward is invited to!" As I expected, our ward turnout was not very good, and I have a theory of why, because it's how I felt when it was announced to us. Our activities committee made it sound like it was just the other ward, and we'd be tagging along. Which is essentially true. But it makes it sound like someone else is going to be doing all the work and we're just going to show up and mooch off their food. No one likes mooching or imposing. If our activities committee had said it was a combined activity and the other ward is providing the food this time, it would at least make it sound like we have a right to be there rather than we were coming as an afterthought. I plan to convey the importance of that phrasing difference to our activities committee if they're interested.

 Anyway, not feeling very social I was worried it would be terrible. Although I called Audrey and verified she'd be there. She hasn't talk to me for more than three minutes at a time in months, so I knew if she was the only one I knew it would be lame. When I got there though I saw a girl in the other ward who I used to home teach back in Orem. Aubrey (b not d haha) and I wasn't afraid to go talk to her. Which kicked me into comfortable enough mode for talking to other people I didn't know.

Anyway the real catalyst for this whole free write was my second thirty seconds with Audrey that night. She admitted to me that she never talks for me very long and she stops responding to my texts because I irritate her easily, which flipped on a light switch! I can totally tell when she gets irritated with me in person. I just never really thought that it was at me for some reason before. She's a pretty emotional girl, and most of them are usually happy excited feelings. But whatever she feels it's always very strong. Talking to her a little more later, it made me feel like I am to her how Jason was to me.

 It's funny though because she pesters me to post a new blog. It's going to be weird posting this knowing she reads it. So I'm not going to expand on everything I thought about. But I asked her why she cares to read my blog still. And she said "just because you say things that irritate me doesn't mean we're not friends." Which can be true, and I believe she means it. Sometimes I tend to think of things into much of a black-and-white. But really, my friends that irritate me regularly I rarely make an effort to see. Even those who don't bother me I don't have enough time to see. It would be awesome if I could hang out with Landon and Neal and CJ as often as I see Micah and Josh. But there's just not enough time in a week.

Anyway, I just don't like the idea of being annoying to anyone. I know you can't make everyone happy but I don't have to like it. There is a small consolation in that I had already came to the conclusion that me and Audrey are pretty different, and sometimes I felt bad that we don't text or talk as often as were used to. I've tried to spark such conversations quite a few times actually and they always died off. Now I know why, I guess I'll feel less guilty about it.

Random Thoughts 29 (6/3/2012)

Wednesday, April 25, 2012
- `These two phrases sum up my work day today.
    “I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.”
    “Some people just need a sympathetic pat… on the head… with a hammer.”
- Make a copy of your patriarchal blessing that you can take notes on.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012
- Story time! Ok, one of the reasons Google is so successful is because they give their employees paid time every week to work on whatever they want for the company. Lots of projects which are big now with Google sprung from this time, and that’s why so many things are in beta haha.
Anyway, my company started doing something similar. Quarterly we have a 24 hour “creative spark” event where you work on whatever you want, and at the end everyone shares their ideas/progress and votes on a winner. I decided to participate in this one because someone proposed a great idea that I thought I could code. I won’t go into detail but basically it’s a tool that combines the inspection results from multiple technicians so you can compare what they said and come to a more consistent inspection standard. I LOVED working on it though! Programming is a creative process, building something, it’s very rewarding. Lately I haven’t got to create much though because we’ve had bugs or infrastructure problems to maintain or fix, hard ones too where it’s hard to feel progress. So when I got a chance to use some work time for real creating I loved it. I loved it so much in fact that I worked stayed until midnight that day haha, then all the workday up till voting the next. And guess what? I WON! $500! Good times.
- We got a new team lead finally. His name is Naor (now-err) and he was born in Israel but mostly grew up in Uruguay, random right? He’s super cool though. Raji was easy to get along with but it’s not like we’d be friends outside of work. I feel like if I’d gone to high school with someone like Naor we might have been friends though. He’s just cool and we get each other’s sense of humor. Spent a lot of time together at work too but more on that later…
- I realized a big reason I hate lying awake at night haha. Besides the obvious “I’m in bed, trying to sleep, but now I’m going to be tired tomorrow, and I didn’t even do anything wrong!!” aspect. With me I can’t really get up and do something (pre-break neck if I couldn’t sleep, I’d do some push/pull/sit ups, eat some food, and go back to sleep. Worked pretty well. Now all I can really do is think. And since nothing is going on at 3AM, all I can do is review the past or think of what I’ll do in the future. But I can’t even write stuff down so thinking about the future is annoying too! Actually my hospital bed and phone are a good combination… Although my phone is hard to use from bed lol.
- I may have mentioned this before, but it’s a really good thing I don’t crave junk food like most people. I mean, I’m not health conscious at all, so I’d gobble stuff up and probably have issues because of it. Heavenly Father knew this though, so He just made me with a low desire to eat junk food. Perfact! Haha.
-  Mark 10:13-16 Consider the Saviors tender approach with children. I can’t picture President Monson being like “ew! Get this child away from me!”

Wednesday, May 9, 2012
- So I don’t remember exactly when it was, I think the Friday before this Wednesday, but at 4PM they pulled us into a meeting and basically said “we haven’t released a new product in over a eyar because it keeps having problems. Most companies die if they go this long. We need to fix it and get it out the door ASAP!” So I worked 9AM-Midnight two Fridays and a Saturday, 9AM-6PM the Saturday of my birthday party, and 9AM to 6AM on a Monday (21 hour workday! A new record!) and 9AM to 3AM a couple other days. Work has been INTENSE! Here’s where the aforementioned lots of time with my new team lead has been haha. It has been great though. Wonderful camaraderie working into the wee hours of the morning as a team (and at a time when no one bugs you with side tasks!)
- I did get to take my birthday off to run errands. It was a Wednesday. I d renewed my driver’s license, had lunch with Kalia (way fun!) got my van repaired, vegged out somehow that night until Audrey came over and we opened my birthday presents with the fam. Some way fun stuff. I think if you have to do a gift with me, gag gifts are the way to go. I got a hand cross-stitched sign from Grandma Higgins that says “home is where the cat is”, the stickers to put on my new van, labels to mark my stuff that say “Corbinealious Brycetholomue Campbelliticus Maximus Danger III” and my cell number, and so on. Great day J

Saturday, May 12, 2012
- I KNOW I’ve mentioned this before, but I used to throw parties all the time, and now I don’t like to at all. It’s a little sad to me but it’s true. I decided to throw a party for my birthday anyway. And I was going through the standard stress I dislike of “well who do I invite that will get along? And I need to invite enough people that it’ll be a good turn out but not so much that it’s chaos…” and so on, and it was bugging me, so I was like “forget this, I’m inviting EVERYONE” and I literally sent the invite to like 230 people. I have slightly mixed feelings on the outcome but overall I’m glad I did it. I got to see a lot of people I hadn’t seen in a while, and it was fun. There was like 60ish people throughout the night (not all at once). The problem is I didn’t feel like organizing, so everyone just chatted. And pretty much everyone only knew who they came with. So my host instinct wanted to make sure everyone had a good time, and it just wasn’t feasible. I however did my best to ignore it, I don’t need to be responsible for everyone else’s fun, and I enjoyed myself enough, but I probably won’t do a mixing pot party like that again. Not without actually planning games to play or something.

Monday, May 14, 2012
- I love how cool everyone at work is. If you burn out you just go chat randomly with someone for 5 minutes and then go back to work haha.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012
- Diablo 3 came out today! And it is epic, especially multiplayer. I’ve been slightly less social as result of wanting to play it, but gratefully not anti-social haha.

Saturday, May 19, 2012
- So my cousin Celeste Poll passed away from cancer. Today was a benefit concert meant to raise money for a bone marrow transplant, but she passed away a few weeks before. They decided to do the concert anyway though, and they asked me to sing “You Raise Me Up”, which I did, and I feel like it went well. Anyway that ended at like... 4? I’d been playing a bit of D3 during the week, so I figured I should be social after the concert. I called Amannda Batton and we did dinner and discussed books. We ended up agreeing to swap and read The Host for Mistborn. (6/3 update, I finished the host last night and very much enjoyed it). Anyway, I’d discussed doing this same book swap with Alicia Williams, but she didn’t own the book so it hadn’t happened yet. I figured giving Alicia our other copy of Mistborn was at least a good excuse to see her though haha. So I dropped off Amannda and called Alicia to see if I could kidnap her right away, and she said yes! She was just getting off of work! Double win for spontaneity today! Usually it fails me nowadays :/. Anyway, I was just going to bring Alicia to my house to get the book, but my parents were going for a walk and invited us to join them, so we did. Then they invited us to watch “The Iron Lady” with them (kinda weird for someone like me who knew little to nothing about the history the movie was portraying) and we did. And me and Alicia CUDDLED! I went to bed super content that night haha.

Sunday, May 20, 2012
- Numbers 31:46 ends with a winky face!

Thursday, May 24, 2012
- “I invite each one of us individually to recognize that how we disagree is a real measure of who we are and whether we truly follow the Savior.” – Quentin L Cook April 2010 conference. I really liked this quote
- So last night was fun. I came home and found we’re babysitting my 2 year old niece, Becca. And she is SO CUTE! And was so excited to see me! She’s at the point where she says a lot of things, but it’s almost all gibberish besides “yes” and “no” haha. She understands you fine though. “Becca! Go pick that up and tickle your face with it!” pretty complex instructions, but she gets them haha. She was saying my name too though, and it was super cute. Then Haley (3.5?) and Megan (5?) came back. Haley thanked Heavenly Father that she’d get to play with Corby during the dinner prayer (in her princess voice) and Becca repeated “Corby!” mid prayer excitedly. Hard not to feel loved with all my nieces adoring me haha. We drove around the house sometimes with all 3 girls on my chair, it left me grinning all night even though they left at like 7:30.
- So I’m still trying to date Alicia, but I realized part of my worry with the whole thing. She doesn’t reciprocate in any way I can pick up on. I can’t tell if she’s just letting me take her out to be nice. I tell her how attractive she is all the time, or how I’d like to see her, but I don’t really remember her expressing the same back. I mean, she’s willing to go out when I try to take her out, usually if girls aren’t interested they turn down 3rd and 4th dates. And she DID cuddle on Saturday, including getting up and then laying back in my lap again (whereas usually girls won’t come back to the cuddle if they get up and don’t want to cuddle) but usually when cuddling someone will hold my other hand that’s not rubbing their arm, or they’ll rub an arm back, or they’ll move into you a little in a “I like that” way, and maybe Alicia just doesn’t express stuff in that way. But really I’m just not sure if she’s being nice or if she’s potentially interested. My usual past responses would be A. Bring up a DTR and find out, or B. stop taking her out and see if she says anything. I feel like I’ve often had DTR’s way too prematurely though, and I also often move on to trying to date other girls before I’ve even really given the current one a chance. Back to a previous analogy of trying to start too many fires and as result none light. So I’m trying to go with C. just keep taking her out when you can and see what happens.
- I love how Gambit switches sleeping places every few weeks. Sometimes it’s CJ’s bed, sometimes it’s the blanket closet, sometimes it’s the couch, sometimes it’s the foot of my bed… the current few week traditional spot for Gambit though, is he comes in at 4AM-ish, puts his head on my left shoulder, and stretches out his body along my torso between my arm and chest. Best cat cuddle position ever haha. And he’s still on my bed every day when I get home! Also makes me happy haha.

Friday, May 25, 2012
- Fought some zombies in my dream last night. Yeah, I’m awesome.
- Also, texting girls the preceding zombie statement as a conversation starter is largely inefficient. I tried it.

Sunday, May 27, 2012
- So my van finally came back from Arizona with the ramp modifications! It still needs the hand controls though… And one of the 3 guys working at Mobility solutions got terminally I’ll, so they’re way behind. They won’t even be able to start my project for 3 weeks. But! We put the alligator stickers on the van, so it’s official now :P
- So Micah FINALLY agreed to read Mistborn! Made me so happy! Haha. The first book took him like a month, then like two weeks for the second, then 3 days for the third. He’s still reluctant to really express enjoying them that much. Whether it’s conscious or subconscious he seems to want to find faults in it. But he did say he enjoyed them, and I think the speed at which he read book three speaks volumes. But whatever the case I’m glad he finally gave reading an actual chance. Maybe he’ll go back to his “books aren’t for me” opinion, but at least I feel like he was exposed to literature he’d like. If he wants more I have other Brandon Sanderson novels, or other good reads I can suggest…
- Been texting another girl I met online a bunch, Sariah. She lives in Florida, and she’s pretty attached to the place. So we’ll probably never meet, sad story. But it’s fun to talk to someone throughout the day.
- Better texting throughout the day is Sarah Flinders! Who lives in Orem! I met her at Natalie Haight’s B-day last year. And she is cute and awesome, I wanted to add her on FB that day, but I was flirting with Natalie a bunch and it felt like it’d be rude to go add and start flirting with her friends. But Sarah added me a few months later and we started talking slowly. At this point we text probably 4/7 days of the week at least a little. She’s a funny one. She is good at so much but she doesn’t believe it at all about herself, she struggles with confidence a lot. All I really can do is tell her how wrong she is when she expresses her supposed shortcomings lol. She’s also scared to death of relationships. I’m pretty distraught with dating too at the moment (not in the same way as her, haha) so I don’t really have  any plans to try wooing her, even though she has a large amount of traits I hope my spouse has someday. It’s good to have friends in the Orem area though. Of all the people I wish I had more time to see but don’t get to, lately she’s probably at the top.
- Finally got the 80% approval from Medicare to pay for my wheelchair! It’s going to cost me $4000ish out of pocket (ugh!) but it’s in motion now…

Monday, May 28, 2012
- I'm sitting in my van and I totally saw bird poop land on my windshield!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012
- Alma 18. Ammon gets SO EXCITED when he sees his opportunity to restoring the flocks of the king, kinda a funny missionary experience to get excited about. But also very interesting and symbolic that literally gathering sheep is one of the first big things Ammon did on his mission…
- Been a rough few weeks at work. Reading sons of Mosiah chapters and a little sad I didn’t get to serve a full time mission. Ignoring the trials of housing and earning a living and dating in favor of just doing ones best to further the gospel for two years sounds amazing.

Friday, June 01, 2012
- So at church a few weeks ago the activities committee went to relief society with a bunch of cake boxes, and they had girls who wanted to pick one and sign their name and number on it. Then they took the boxes to elders quorum and had guys take them. A staged group date basically. The couple works out baking the cake, but they bring it Friday and there would be decorating supplies.  After church Brittany Jorgensen was like "Corby! My box is still there! Come grab it!" We are friends, I was fine with the idea of her being my partner at a group activity haha. I ended up working that whole evening and had to cancel though (I HATE cancelling on people, it's the worst.) And I'm a man of my word, so I promised to take her out next chance I got. She had to cancel the next one, which was funny. Anyway, I finally took her out tonight. I feel bad but I was actually dreading it a little. Our senses of humor clash a bit. And although she says we’re just friends and she’s not trying to date me, I still feel like she is interested and trying. Maybe she’s going for the “become his friend and then it can progress to more” route. Or maybe she’s like a guy and lying to herself without knowing it. But whatever the case I don’t feel convinced. Anyway the date was fine, we did Red Lobster and saw MIB 3. She did like 75% of the talking, maybe more, but it seemed to make her happy and I didn’t need to be heard really so it was fine.

Sunday, June 03, 2012
- So I so so wish I remembered my dreams last night in more detail. I remember there was a big long one with Audrey in it. She did something and I was SO angry at her (I wish I could recall what! I've never been angry at her) and I was running from her but she came after me. Also I could fly haha. Anyway I was still upset with her by the end of the dream, but I feel closer to her this morning for some reason. Weird huh?
- Moving, ahh what to say? Ok, CJ is moving out in the Fall for sure because he got accepted to BYU. I want SO BAD to move out, but I fear I waited too long to move on it, and I’m not even sure I can find health care still. However, I’m thinking this is a “step out into the darkness with faith, and the Lord will guide your feet. Er, wheels.” type scenario. There’s various problems though. #1 wheelchair housing is rare. #2 most places are full already by now. #3 the only time places are open to research is during the workday. I keep thinking when Summer arrives and I have more free time I can dig into figuring it out. But it IS Summer and my schedule doesn’t free up any more than any other time of year. So I really need to figure it out or take days off or both… For health care I’ll probably need to hire out of pocket a nursing student from BYU or something.  Moving out is definitely possible though, oh! And my cousin Joshua Rogers wants to come too! That’d be awesome! Just got to figure out how still.
- The farther you get from a target, the harder it is to hit it. True for both archery and The Gospel.
- I need to set weekly goals to solve specific problems. Find housing week, resolve health care week, etc. If I can solve such problems in one week haha. But often weeks go by without focusing on anything but weekly survival/happiness. I need some future progress in each week, and I think deciding on a focus will help that.
- I always feel like there’s so many things I haven’t talked about, but I suppose I can’t document it all haha.