Random Thoughts 28 (4/22/2012)

Friday, April 06, 2012
- It’s fun to see things I experienced in my WoW raiding days mirrored in the work place. Today, someone at work pulled me into a “chat channel” (skype convo) of the cool kids (some guys in tech ops). The social structure in the chat channel is just like guild chat with a big guild.

Saturday, April 07, 2012
- I frequently type ‘my’ when I mean to say ‘me’, weird.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012
- lol, “I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking!”

Wednesday, April 11, 2012
- I didn’t realize I was still relying on my interactions with Audrey to provide some feel of relationship type fulfillment. She has a boy now though (albeit one in Provo) and she doesn’t treat me the same. I think I was expecting that fulfillment but didn’t realize where I was getting it from before, as well as I didn’t realize it’s been gone. She didn’t do anything wrong, but I think that expectation was why I’ve been extra grumpy/lonely lately. After consciously recognizing this today though I imagine I’ll be able to expel it by dropping the expectation.
- I think it’s fair to say gospel answer that isn’t explicitly stated in the scriptures or by the prophets is received through the spirit.
- So along with my Audrey realization today, she used to tell me about everything. I caught a snippet of her journal (she’s told me various times I can read it anytime :P) and it’s clear there’s tons she doesn’t tell me anymore. It was a dating thing I glanced and I can understand why she wouldn’t tell me about dating stuff, but it made me wonder, should I try to re-open the channel of communication? Is that a good idea? Or part of the needed distance if we’re to ever have a chance? I think if I’m looking for the aforementioned relationship fulfillment from it, it’s definitely a bad idea right now, and I’ll only find disappointment. But if it’s truly as a friend it’s probably ok. But I can’t decide if it’s “ok” or dangerous and just puts me in a circumstance that I can learn things that make me unnecessarily jealous or keep my singleness more in my face than necessary. I guess if there’s any worry I should leave it be.
- Don’t go for hugs with people who just give half second brushes. They’re less satisfying than no hug at all.
- At conference I came with the question “can I get out of my wheelchair anytime soon?” I didn’t feel I received an answer. We listened to a talk by Elder Scott again today at institute though, and he said something along the lines of “if you don’t feel an answer, try to reflect on previous times when you might have already received an answer.” I have definitely felt peace that this is where I’m meant to be in the past. It’s been 7 years and I wouldn’t mind leaving this trial behind and regaining the independence and mobility of a fully functional body. I was thinking maybe it’s been long enough, or maybe it will just take enough direct effort and faith, but overall I think the original still stands. It’s not my preference but I can accept it still :).
- Elder Scott’s revelation formula. Fast, pray to find scriptures which will guide him to an answer, then ponder. (may repeat read/ponder steps :) )
- He also mentions physical health can be tied to our ability to receive revelation. I know when I’m wicked tired (hah! Wicked…) I certainly am not in a prompting friendly mode. I wonder if my consistent bladder problems are part of my spiritual retardedness.
- “When you write down your promptings, it’s saying thank you to Heavenly Father”. It doesn’t always have to be a new prompting you’re writing, remember the 7 times rule!

Friday, April 13, 2012
- A work day so crazy you end up eating corn dogs from the break room fridge with BBQ sauce just to survive!? Bring it on.

Sunday, April 15, 2012
- I feel like my life is on pause and I’m waiting for someone to hit resume, so part of my just wants to kill time until it passes. But I have no idea what I’m waiting on. Maybe this is the new normal, and I just need to get used to it and move forward
- “pray alone, aloud, and a lot.”
- So I’m pretty sure in various previous posts I’ve written down good questions to ponder, but then never came up with an actual answer. I decided I’ll try to go back and answer some of them. The first one I found is “When’s the last time you REALLY sat and thought about how you want to be remembered, or how you want people to see you? When’s the last time you wrote it down?” This is appropriate timing since I’m going to die tomorrow as result of a long chain of events begun by putting my shoes on the wrong feet. But that’s a tangent. Coincidentally, my cousin Celeste Poll’s funeral was yesterday. She passed away earlier in the week from Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. So how people do/will remember her was discussed a good amount. Mostly they talked about how pleasant she was to be around even when she was going through trials, her goofy sense of humor, and how sure they were she was living right. If I’m only remembered as the same three things, I’ll be totally happy. I’d like to add “a great father” to the list too. I’d like to have a more powerful testimony than I do now. People seem to believe I’m  perfect as is, so with any luck that means I do have a strong enough testimony and I’m just too hard on myself. I don’t really care if anyone remembers any vocational contributions I made. Yeah, I guess I could sum it up in “A righteous husband and father, and a person you walk away from feeling happier than before.”
- A good thing to do at sacrament meeting, commit “Father, into thy hands I commit my thoughts, words, and actions.”
- So it’s funny how attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Someone you find attractive following you around and wanting attention is cute, someone you don’t find attractive doing the same things is being a creeper.
- Similar note, I sat next to a cute girl in our ward named Elza, I doubt we’re a dating couple (always a great thing to be wrong about) but it means I often flirt with her shamelessly lol, which is more fun. Anyway half a sacrament I debated scratching her back. Because I love giving back scratches, and it keeps me awake haha, and she was leaning forward. I was afraid she (or anyone who noticed) would read too much into it, so I decided not to. Later in Sunday school, Brittany toldme I can playwith her hair haha, I DEFINITELY feel like she might read more into it. Funny how different interactions with people can be.
- While home teaching Kathryn, she mentioned a cool idea she heard once. Pick a trivial thing per day and think, “how would a holy person do this?”

Monday, April 16, 2012
- Reading my patriarchal blessing… It mentions being a teacher, which I remember, but something that I didn’t notice was it mentions counseling those in need. I didn’t realize this was in my blessing, but I definitely often find myself trying to help counsel others, I love it actually haha. Mostly dating advice, which is funny seeing as I’m still single myself… Most often relationship advice actually (dating or no).
- Lol, “Okay, I did some statistical thinking tonight and realized something. Did you know that if everyone who uses Facebook were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?”

Wednesday, April 18, 2012
- Haha in institute the teacher was talking about “the light in their eyes” and he asked us to give examples of people w know like that, and I wanted to say “I’m taking one out Saturday!” but I figured no one would know who I was talking about haha.
- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? The atonement does this! For me, I’d be more service oriented…
- The desire to make an ambiguous post about an undesirable emotion you are experiencing but don't feel like explaining to anyone can be quite strong sometimes.

Thursday, April 19, 2012
- Amazing how fast a bad picture or terrible post from a facebook friend can chase out the spirit and distract my thoughts for an hour.
- In a meeting at work someone shared their screen and it was solid white, and someone said “all we can see is a bunch of polar bears eating marshmellows in a snow storm.” lol
- So we went and saw Mirror Mirror as a family tonight, worth it. But afterwards was a surprise birthday party for Monica Ripplinger. Her house is just through a gate next to the South Jordan Middle elementary. We went over early so we could get my manual chair inside before she arrived at 8:30. I parked my van in the SoJo middle parking lot, only car there, and we got my manual chair and went through the gate. None of us (me, CJ, and Bryan) had ever been in the back before, and all the lights were off, so we went to the side and CJ hopped the big rickety fence to check the house number. On his way back over to our side of the fence Bryan was like “hey! There are people co- Holy crap it’s Monica and Josh!!” So he hurried and pulled me around the side, and dropped off the loud fence, and we giggles as silently as possible for like 5 minutes straight while waiting for them to leave. I can’t believe they didn’t see us. They saw my van, and I even leave tire tracks in the grass. Had they come around the side, they would have found me and Bryan sitting casually on the side of her house, next to the circuit breaker and gas valve. No big deal. CJ checked the invitation text again after they left, turns out the party was at Kelly’s house. WHOOPS! We went over and it was a totally blast :D.

Friday, April 20, 2012
- I really like long hair on a girl. End story.
- I enjoy that I have it so the UY team will all banter with me. For example
Corby: is that not how we’re doing it? If not, why not?
Bruno: Let me ask Nicolas, what you are saying makes sense
Corby: of course, I always make sense
Bruno: No, not always, but now you are
Corby: truth... hurts...

Saturday, April 21, 2012
- Today’s my one year endowment anniversary!
- Also, I had a great date with Alicia tonight. I took her out once a few weeks ago but I felt bland. We had a good conversation at dinner, but I didn’t feel like I was any fun. This time, we did dinner, and I was the me I like to be (which I believe is fun). Then we came back and played Blockus with Steph and Grant, then just talked and goofed off until midnight. It was fun :). Mostly I’m glad I got to be the me I like to be. I feel like if I take out a girl a few times, and I’m bland all those times. If finally I’m the fun version of me around them, they’ll be like “where did this come from? Weird…” But now been my favorite me once around her, it’ll be more natural for me to do so in the future. Yay :)
- I think one thing that helped my successful date was stopping video games with the guys at 6:00, even though I wasn’t picking up Alicia until 7:30. Video games tend to dull my non-gaming social skills/motivation. Having a break where I went back to non-gaming social (Steph was upstairs to talk to :) ) before leaving was probably helpful :).
- Oh! I also taught Grant “attack cat petting”. Charie, when she pets the cat, goes nuts and rubs him at rapid speed and shoves him around. It seems counter-intuitive, we tend to assume we should be gentle or Gambit will get bugged and leave, but he LOVES it. Grant would rub both sides of Gambits body rapidly and Gambit would stick his but as high as possible, and bring his face super close to the floor, and take little steps like he was trying to get away but couldn’t. But then when Grant stops Gambit immediately turns around and meows for more, it’s hilarious to watch.

Sunday, April 22, 2012
- I need to get independent again somehow, and soon. So I brainstormed this list of things to try…
Call grant/Barry and ask how they survive in a wheelchair.
Call nursing agency and find out of pocket costs.
Can I get back on Cigna? Since I had it?
Post on wheelchair forum, asking what others do.
Search for home health friendly insurance.
- I haven’t got around to the above list because the current book of the quarter is a web development self training kit which gets you a Microsoft certification. Awesome! So I’ve been doing self imposed homework lately haha. Life has been good :)

Random Thoughts 27 (4/3/2012)

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

- Mom made an interesting comment. Some scary laws have been passing which have the potential to diminish religious freedom, and Mom said “I always thought persecution in the last days meant everyone persecuting Mormons, but really it’s probably all religion being persecuted.”

Monday, March 12, 2012

- Hailey (age 3) said family prayer in her "princess voice" last night. Cutest thing ever.

- Whenever hear a dial tone now my brain sings “I need your arms around me I need to feel your touch.” And I’m disappointed when the drum line doesn’t kick in.

- I wish I could read one book and listen to a different book at the same time, it’d be easier to catch up on the books I’d like to that way.

- 2 Nephi 26:29 excellent definition of priestcraft. On this basis, part of why I don’t try to make a living on public speaking is because for me it’d be priestcraft.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

- Jacob 3:5 the Lamanites were more righteous in some ways than the members. I’ll bet this is true of pride/being judgemental a lot today. Members seem to be pretty bad.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

- Just signed papers agreeing to spend more money than I’ve ever spent in my entire life by a large margin. But in a few months I’ll have a new van I can drive!

Friday, March 16, 2012

- Went to the caucus meeting last night and actually really enjoyed it! I also found that rather than knowing like 5% of government processes I really know like 0.03% of government processes haha. I think it'd be cool to be a county delegate someday though.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

- Backup up your computer is hard when you’re a digital packrat L

Saturday, March 24, 2012

- If I ever feel bad about how rarely I update my journal I’ll just read Omni, they update like every 50 years!

- Omni 1:25 has no seed to pass on to? Do you think if he had a daughter we would have had a section written by a female in the BoM?

­Sunday, March 25, 2012

- Hmm, not much to blog. I reactivated my LDSPlanet subscription and have been having some fun conversations and a date so far, but nothing of extreme note.

- Temple miles! I should list these every time I post haha, but I don’t. I have them recorded somewhere so meh. That being said 513.4, 381.9, 294.2, 301.7, 167.8, 308.4, 343.4 (study), 379.5, 428.8, 322.7, 458.8, 441.5, 237.1, 612.0, 138.9, 533.4.

- I’ve had to go later in the week a few times due to speaking engagements or the like, and I don’t like having to wait until the weekend haha. It doesn’t make sense why it’s any different but I prefer early in the week. That’s why some of the listed miles spike from 237 to 612 and back though.

- Also, I’ve decided I’m not taking institute on a Wednesday again, or a Tuesday for that matter. If I get a speaking opportunity outside of Sunday it’s almost always one of those two days.

Friday, March 30, 2012

- Mosiah 3:12 I really respect people who make good choices without the gospel, I feel like it’s the only reason I do most the things I do, and some days it’s harder than others. Today is a hard day haha.

- Mosiah 3:19 another verse I’m failing at lately. I struggle with faith that I’ll get to have an eternal companion in this life. I feel like I can keep pushing forward with faith and getting hurt when I don’t get what I’m hoping for, or I can just not expect to have any success any time soon, but that feels like lack of faith to me. Neither scenario sounds terribly appealing. What I need to do is keep trying with faith, but try not to get hurt when it’s still not time yet.

Monday, April 02, 2012

- My team lead quit today to be a stay at home mom! And Aaron (the only other developer by profession on my team) is moving to a different team at the end of the month! It’ll just be me and people that came to dev from QA if they don’t hire anyone soon :/ and they’ve already been looking for a good while. Work’s gunna be hard the next while it seems haha.

- Overheard at work, “If I could pull it off, I’d be a stay at home dad, with my dog.”

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

- Ok wow, I had a bunch of notes on my phone. I should date them, because I have almost no idea when they were. But you don’t really care which day I wrote them down anyway, do you?

- The scriptures say “that men ‘might’ have joy.” Hard times are normal. We aren’t guaranteed constant joy even when living right.

- "And it came to pass" not “and it came to stay”. Trials happen, but they pass too.

- Only when we've reached a boundary can we stretch our boundaries. If we play small our boundaries shrink to accommodate us.

- Do not confuse motion for progress. A rocking horse moves a lot, but goes nowhere.

- Move! The Lord can't steer a parked car.

- Most people’s misperceptions of BYU rules is that they are not “right or wrong” rules, they’re “smart vs stupid” rules. Curfew isn’t a sin, and BYU isn’t saying it’s a sin to stay out late, it’s a smart guideline though.

- “One reason it's so easy to overuse digital activities,” says Ken Knapton, “an Internet safety expert, is that they lack the kind of natural boundaries that help us moderate other activities. A child stops playing softball when his or her arm gets tired or when it gets too dark to see the ball. It's much easier to ignore the subtle cues that tell us when it's time to stop watching funny animal videos, looking at friends' Facebook photos, or beating the next game level.”

- Great ensign talk on time wasting, had 10 signs you're 'overloading' in a digital world.

- I’ve noticed I seem to have much shorter dating cycles now that I’m older. Both parties seem to know faster whether it’s worth pursuing or not sooner. Maybe we’re doing it wrong.

- Avoid masks that hide your true identity. The KKK did things they might not normally do because they had masks. Many places online allow you to be anonymous. –talk by Quentin L. Cook

- I realized today why I don't care for nutrition. It's too much like politics. Most everyone can agree that there is a problem, like white bread or carbonation. But everyone has a completely different solution to what you should do instead. And their solutions are always backed by completely solid scientific documented evidence, even though said evidence frequently contradicts the completely solid scientific documented evidence of another solution. Plus I live at home right now, so my mom just gives me good stuff anyway and I don't have to care.

- It's amazing how much of a book you can read without a single word registering.

- I wonder how many words per minute the different apostles speak at.

- I find that my ability to focus on scriptures or gospel talks is directly proportional to my CONSISTENT focus and effort to seek gospel principles. A micro burst of faithful focus right before conference is insufficient.

And a few conference favorites (paraphrased)

- We can’t add calculate the sums of life’s circumstances, because we don’t have all the numbers. – David S. Baxter

- The fact something is good is not always reason enough to commit time and energy to it. – Uchtdorf

- “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.” – Uchtdorf

- ‘Do your fish ever thank you for feeding them? No? Are we like that with God? ‘And ‘The attributes by which we will be judged someday are all spiritual.’ – Russell M. Nelson

- Uhh, I could just paste all my notes here. I’ll stop…