Monday, November 29, 2010
- Yeah, my vision is definitely getting a little worse, and it’s a little harder to make people feel special when it takes a second to recognize them at a distance.
- Saw a funny status, “If every day is a gift, where can I return Monday? I think mine is defective.”
-“You should try not to talk so much, friend,” he suggested. “You’ll sound far less stupid that way.” Mistborn
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
- "And how do you get such a testimony? Well, there’s no new technology for that, nor will there ever be. You cannot do a Google search to gain a testimony. You can’t text message faith. You gain a vibrant, life-changing testimony today the same way it has always been done. The process hasn’t been changed. It comes through desire, study, prayer, obedience, and service. That is why the teachings of prophets and apostles, past and present, are as relevant to your life today as they ever have been." - M. Russell Ballard (Learning Lessons of the Past, April 2009)
- So Dad asked me what my plans are after graduation, and I gave him my 5 minute schpiel about how skills aren’t as important in CS as work ethic, and how people good at the job often end up project managers, and how I feel like I’d fit in that category, and it’s great because it’s a way to combine technical knowledge and people skills. Also how I hate the idea of people managing jobs they know nothing about, so if I’m going to be a team lead someday first I want to know what it’s like to be on a team, so I want to start in a bottom technical job of some sort.
Anyway the point I realized afterwards that if I heard someone talking like I had been talking, I’d assume they know all about the stuff they’re talking about, and they were just being modest/humble or some such. I can really talk the talk with this type of stuff now, and I don’t even have to know the know. Weird, or something.
- Not being able to put one’s self in bed is DEFINITELY annoying some nights.
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
- There was enough snow to power-slide my chair 4 feet or so on the sidewalks this morning. Epiiicc!
- Mom tells me I should date older women because the younger ones have this unrealistic expectation of a guy and won’t really take me with my wheelchair deficits, whereas an older girl would have had more life experience and can recognize me for who I am rather than some fairy tale expectation. This makes a bunch of sense, and I didn’t disagree with her logic. I mostly take out younger girls because they’re my only options for the most part, but I’m entirely willing to take out older girls too. I realized a counter point to my Mom’s suggestion though. The only two girls that I met and dated after breaking my neck have been Katie and Karina. Katie was 17 when I met her and she never had any reservations from the very start (which was amazing) and if I remember right, Karina was 18 when we met and it was pretty much amazing from the get go again. Evidence suggests age has nothing to do with it, it’s the same dating story of “you just happen to find someone that’s attracted back” except my chance of finding one has been further reduced.
- I had two thoughts on possible “why’s” my dating success has been less lately. Number one, and this will sound weird, but I’m less forward. In the first message I ever sent to Katie, I commented on how beautiful she was three times, and I’d never even met her. Creepy much? Similar with Karina. Maybe being 100% open scares some people away yes, but people who also love being open stick around? I think #1 people are more inclined to be open and receptive over a less personal medium like online messages, sad but true. And since I don’t message people as often, rather I do lunch or something, it’s not the place for comfort. #2 I used to go for girls who had lower confidence, so being abrupt about how attractive I find them is a big plus for them. Whereas the girls I’d prefer now are confident, and so compliments aren’t as powerful, although still appreciated I know. I still compliment people mind you. #3 Telling 3 girls how amazing they are at once feels almost like cheating on them. If I make every girl feel like they’re my favorite, I’m lying to at least two. As such I don’t make any girl feel like she’s my favorite, just that she’s strongly appreciated. Which is a bit less potent then how I acted in high school.
- Random thought two, I’m much less helpless wheelchairwise than I used to be. Maybe I was handicapped enough that there was a clear distinction and so they made a conscious choice to be ok with it. And now I’m close enough to ‘normal’ that they don’t see it as a whole different can of worms but rather just minor shortcomings that aren’t their preference, and they don’t want that. Either way they might not want it so meh.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
- So a reoccurring observation I’m having lately is that most principles in life seem to apply to most aspect of life. For example, the “expenses expand to fit your income” idea also seems to apply in “homework motivation flexes to fit just under homework load” (for me) and so forth. Seemingly not the same thing at all but an overall concept of “ fluctuates in relation to ” shows up everywhere. I’ll bet half the time we have one of those “Aha!” moments where it’s like “I’ve known this forever but I never really got it until now” are more us applying a principle we already knew to another aspect of our life.
- I wish I could record my conversations with Steph and paste them here, it’d triple the amount of interesting thoughts I put down.
- Complaining has a purpose of finding what to do next, after that it’s just draining.
- Maybe I should find a goal with Jason? Nahh.
- I think this is funny, but I was basically daydreaming about being up high in a business where everyone is pushing to make a decision that I disagree with vehemently. The idea of going, “If we do this, I’m breaking all ties with the company, I’ll have no part in this. Mark my words, this will destroy the company.” And walking away feels invigorating haha.
- What’s the big difference between light drugs and alcohol? Both put you in an altered state that makes things more fun (or so I hear. Both are potentially addicting. Both are not good for your body. The only big difference I see is one is legal (although we tried to make it illegal) and one is illegal (although we are trying to make it legal, how ironic).
Friday, December 03, 2010
- Sooo… I totally saw a guy walking two llamas on the sidewalk on the way home. That was unexpected.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
- So I’m not sure this fits into the “ fluctuates in relation to ” principle I’ve observed… Actually I don’t like stuff vs limit… I’ll refine this sometime. But anyway, a similar manifestation is that peoples need to sleep fluctuates with the time church starts at. Whether it’s at 9 or 1. People who make it a priority show up on time or in the first ten minutes regularly. People who it’s less of a priority (an obligation maybe?) seem to find a way to stay up late enough that they “need” the sleep such that they don’t show up until long into the first block, or later. It’s sad that like ¼ of college ward attendance seems to follow this pattern.
- People are ten times more willing to listen to a ten minute update on your life than they are to read a ten minute update of your life.
- It’s a good thing one doesn’t always have to feel the spirit in order to help others feel the spirit. I’m glad I can help others sometimes by singing.
- So I have a pretty bad better-than-Jason complex, it really bugs me how much (I assume) he just wants attention. But! I found somewhere I’m guilty of the same thing, or a similar thing anyway. Wanting attention is in the same boat as wanting to be needed. I haven’t hung out with Karissa much at all since CJ got back. And today while driving I wondered why that is? There’s various factors, like the distance, having new people to meet, etc. But a big one is my assumption that she enjoys being with CJ more. Which I believe is true, but the question is, why does this even matter? If we both enjoy being around each other, who cares if I’m not her favorite? She’s not my favorite either. The carnal thought is “she likes being with so and so more, so she doesn’t need me.” Well lah dee fricken’ dah. It’s weird how this seems to be a common natural instinct. I’m glad I caught this consciously so I can ignore it. I wonder where else it effects me that I haven’t realized?...
