Monday, July
02, 2012
- Firefox
has failed me for the last time. It crashes on me literally every time I try
using it at work. That’s more often than IE!
- Random
female characteristic I love in a girl (not required by any means). She can
keep up over written mediums if I talk like this.
- It’s crazy to me how an immodest woman can both draw the eye AND be a huge turn off all at the same time.
Tuesday,
July 10, 2012
- I have an
easier time going to weddings than I used too. Maybe it’s because years ago a
larger majority of the people getting married were friends I may have been
romantically interested in at one point.
Wednesday,
July 11, 2012
- I love my
job. I had nothing going on tonight, so I worked an extra hour. Then I said bye
to John and ended up helping him for 30 minutes something that took me days to
figure out. Then I went o say bye to Dinesh and ended up teaching him for 30
minutes something that took me days to figure out. I felt SUPER useful haha.
Then I chatted with Jimmy and Randy for 45 minutes. Then ran into Darek (my VP)
and talked to him for 45 minutes. Didn’t end up leaving the office until 8:30
haha. But I feel like I socialized all night, it just happened to be with
people I work with :P.
Friday, July
13, 2012
- So a while
back I talked about backing kissing in courting relationships to almost
nothing. It’s not like I need the practice, you can tell physical compatibility
even without, and it just makes you want to go further, so I’s just dangerous.
However, I wonder if I backed off TOO much on cuddling and kissing. It’s
usually part of the dating process. It’s not surprising I’m usually seen as
just a good friend if we only do things good friends do. This probably has
nothing to do with my dating success actually. I just need to better accept the
Lords timing.
- Hmm, I
want to eat, but I’m already sleepy, and I think I’ll get more sleepy if I eat.
Dilemma!
Tuesday,
July 17, 2012
- I wonder
if part of why it was easy to fit in at work is because I get along with people
older than me easier than with peers my age.
- So, you
know how sometimes my leg will shoot straight out and shake around a little
then fall to the ground in front of my foot rest? Well, today it landed right
on the off switch for my computer's power strip. Hilarious. But I’m moving that
power strip.
Wednesday,
July 18, 2012
- This is how I felt about batman before seeing it.
I didn't get on FB all day Thursday and Friday, just so there was no risk of expectation taintage. I saw it Saturday with Micah and Josh and enjoyed it :)
- So somehow
a circuit got tripped at work and everyone but my computer and Todd’s turned
off. Not sure how we’re wired to a different circuit. So I told everyone me and
Todd were powering our computers with sheer force of personality.
- So I’ve
been talking to a girl online (I meet one every so often) named Carrie. Super
fun to talk to, seems cute, she’s an x-ray technician so there’s the hope a
wheelchair isn’t weird to her haha. She’s been forward with giving me her
number and flirting and she called tonight. So I had to break it to her that
I’m in a wheelchair (she was going to invite me over for a movie, but she’s on
the third floor :P) and pretty sure it was a deal-breaker. Could tell she got
sufficiently awkward and I wasn’t sure what more I could do to alleviate it. We
talked about some other stuff after and she had to go since her other friends
were arriving for the aforementioned movie night. I’m not broken up about it or
anything, I don’t really expect to find dates online, it’s just nice if I do.
But it got me wondering if I should change my approach. I mean, I could put
actual wheelchair pictures, and a funny statement about the whole wheelchair
thing, so it’s there on the table right up front. I mean, I’m pretty sure any
girl who wouldn’t talk to me originally is the type who wouldn’t date me for
all time anyway. The difference is there a phase where I get to talk to them. I
LOVE getting to know new people, it’s super fun! I’m wondering if it’s rude to
girls like Carrie to let their expectations of non wheelchair Corby pile up,
and then surprise them with wheelchair Corby. Who is pretty much the same guy
mind you, but if they don’t get that I don’t particularly blame them. I’m not
sure I’d have been willing to see. Maybe it’s time to switch the profile to
handicap openness and see what happens though?
Thursday,
July 21, 2012
- Last night
was rough, really rough, both physically and emotionally. Last night I came the
closest I have in years to breaking down and looking up pornography. I’m
proud to stay I didn’t, I stayed clean despite the relentlessness of my mind
that night. But I was also PISSED! Haha. Usually, if I’m ever tempted to look
up pornography, in my mind I can be like “lol, no.” and move on and the
temptation abates. Last night it wouldn’t leave me be! And on top of that I
felt physically crappy (probably part of my lowered resistance :P) and couldn’t
sleep from like 12:00 to 3:00. I finally started singing a hymn in my head and
managed to fall asleep. The only thing that held me fast was I promised to
myself and the Lord that if I ever broke, even just a little, I’d confess to
the Bishop ASAP. And I didn’t want to have to confess haha. Thanks Bishop! Glad
I stayed clean, but all around otherwise not happy about that night haha.
- So tonight
I went over to Steph’s to discuss the crappy night I had just had. She has been
doing a lot of research with pornography for her masters and her career path
right now actually, and I wanted her advice. What I got out of it is anytime we’re
relying on validation from any source other than ourselves or our relationship
with Heavenly Father, we’re codependent on that validation. Basically I could
still improve on being fully content single haha. But gratefully not ever day
was as crappy as that one. Not any day is really haha, that’s why I was so
annoyed :P.
P.s. the next day was back to simple resistance. For which I'm very grateful :)
P.s. the next day was back to simple resistance. For which I'm very grateful :)
Friday, July
20, 2012
- So we
randomly had a “bug out” contest at work, where we had all day to just poke at
the product and find as many bugs as possible, and I won! A nexus 7 tablet!
Basically a google smartphone with a 7” screen and no phone haha. Good times,
that makes two contests I’ve won at work. My ego is too big again :/ haha
Tuesday,
July 24, 2012
- The church
activity was indexing. It was way fun! I only got one batch done because I
spent a bunch of time getting others set up and teaching them how to do it. Pro
tip I for anyone reading this, do NOT go across s whole row, it’s super slow. I
GUARANTEE you will increase your speed a ton if you index a column at a time.
Do all the surnames then all the first names, etc… getting your mind in the
same mindset for each column, and the columns auto-duplicating data when
applicable, is SO helpful!
- On the way
out of the activity I asked Alicia if it’s legal to take her out anymore, and
if it’s even a good idea. She started giving me the “I love you as a friend”
speech, but I didn’t need it, I had already suspected this. So it was sad to
have that door officially closed, but it’s helpful to have closure all the same.
- So Naor
(team lead at work) was at the Uruguay office for 3 weeks, and right after he
left we got our three new hires haha. Dinesh, Jake, and Chad. Usually the team
lead would help set them up and advise them and explain product and company
background and so on. But with Naor gone it basically fell to me. I wasn’t
getting much of my own work done for like a week, but I loved it. I like
helping others be productive more than I enjoy producing something on my own.
And in DSM they even recognized that’s why I wasn’t getting through my tasks
and thanked me for helping everyone else out. What a great company. I love my
job.
Wednesday,
July 25, 2012
- Went
upstairs to ask Travis about doing a background check on my PA I’m hiring. I’m
going with a guy named John Rossi, the only thing he has against him is that he
isn’t a cute girl haha. Sadly that’s not a necessary part of the job
requirements. Anyway, I meant it to be a brief chat with Travis, but we talked
or like 40 minutes, and I left with the conviction to draft a simple contact
for me and John haha. I have a hard time having brief chats at work!!
- So I
assume one of the big reasons Alicia isn’t interested in dating me is because I
can’t be very physically active. And I figured this will be a problem with most
girls. But it seems like Alyssa Quinn, who is quite athletic, is interested in
me. If so that shoots down the assumption. I don’t understand dating at all.
The good news is at this point I never really expect to haha, I just seem to
try to anyway.
- Went down
a 125 foot slip and slide tonight haha. With Alicia and Alyssa under each arm.
Here's a link to the public video on my FB, but I don’t know if it’ll always
work…
- Had an
interesting chat with Micah. He was getting pretty upset about the angry
homosexual debates online. And I told him I don’t read them because they just
bother me too, and he said he feels like he should be able to hold his own in a
confrontation. And this was my response
“I can relate to the hold my own should I be confronted idea. And I'm just brain storming about this now... But I've been reading a book called "how to Win friends and influence people" and one of the recent sections was "you can never win an argument". It talked about how in an argument both people's egos flare and they dig in their heels regardless of their conviction to their original stance. And how even if you "win" an argument and lay down all the facts and prove the other person wrong, they still hang on to their opinion, and resent you for making them look like a fool. Being "confronted" sounds like an argument to me. As such, no matter how educated I am on the matter if I argue back with the material I've read it won't make any difference. If I'm having a discussion with someone with an opposing opinion, they won't be swayed with a Chick-fil-A article I read, or stupid bigot comment that I know how to counter. They'll be interested in the principal, and my stance on the principle, and why. Thus I really can't see in what scenario having read stuff that just upsets me is helpful at all. I'm just brainstorming out loud…”
“I can relate to the hold my own should I be confronted idea. And I'm just brain storming about this now... But I've been reading a book called "how to Win friends and influence people" and one of the recent sections was "you can never win an argument". It talked about how in an argument both people's egos flare and they dig in their heels regardless of their conviction to their original stance. And how even if you "win" an argument and lay down all the facts and prove the other person wrong, they still hang on to their opinion, and resent you for making them look like a fool. Being "confronted" sounds like an argument to me. As such, no matter how educated I am on the matter if I argue back with the material I've read it won't make any difference. If I'm having a discussion with someone with an opposing opinion, they won't be swayed with a Chick-fil-A article I read, or stupid bigot comment that I know how to counter. They'll be interested in the principal, and my stance on the principle, and why. Thus I really can't see in what scenario having read stuff that just upsets me is helpful at all. I'm just brainstorming out loud…”
In addition
to that, I was talking to Alyssa about the debates and she linked some church
articles on the matter. The most powerful of which was this link. It helped solidify my feelings on the matter, they are as follows.
#1. Marriage
is ordained of God and explicitly listed in the scriptures as being between a
man and a woman. Anything that is innately connected to marriage, like adoption,
must stay available to only a man and a woman legally and lawfully wed.
#2. I’m fine
with gay couples having rights to anything that isn’t innately tied to
marriage. For example, hospital visiting rights. I see no reason why that
should be restricted to a spouse, they can come up with systems that allow
hospitalized people to pre-declare people other than their spouses who can
visit.
#3.
Homosexual tendencies are part of someone, whether due to the nature or nurture
argument, they’re there. However, acting upon them is a choice, and a sin. I’m
sure this is a point that there’s just no way to find common ground on. I don’t
expect anyone to agree with me any more than I’d expect others to agree that
heterosexual sex before marriage is a sin. Maybe in order to live the gospel, a
gay person will never get to feel sexually fulfilled in this life, or never
marry. But I run the same potential of lack of intimacy or marriage with my
disability. We all have different challenges, designed to shape us in to who we
should be.
#4. Drew
likes to use the parallel of how gay people are being denied rights to how
black people used to have their rights denied. He talks about how in 40 years
we’ll look back and we’ll all feel like idiots for standing against gay
marriage. There IS a massive difference between the two scenarios though.
Nowhere in the scriptures does it say it’s wrong to have different color skin,
or that only white people can have the priesthood, or so on. Those were
incorrect interpretations or assumptions of men that needed to be corrected. However,
the scriptures DO explicitly say that acting on homosexual tendencies is a sin.
People with such tendencies are not any less of a person, “don’t judge me
because I sin differently than you” certainly applies here. But it is a sin, it’s
in the scriptures, we can never bend and accept or legalize it without also
basically saying that our doctrine is subject to the whims of men. It doesn’t surprise me that people like Drew,
who don’t believe the scriptures are the word of God, won’t agree with me. But
that’s fine. Everyone is just living the best they know how.
Sunday, July
29, 2012
- Commit to
go for the girl the Lord lets you know to go for. It worked for Grandpa
Campbell!
Tuesday,
July 31, 2012
- “For those
who are discouraged by their circumstances and are therefore tempted to feel
they cannot serve the Lord this day, I make you two promises. Hard as things
seem today, they will be better in the next day if you choose to serve the Lord
this day with your whole heart. Your circumstances may not be improved in all
the ways which you desire. But you will have been given new strength to carry your
burdens and new confidence that when your burdens become too heavy, the Lord,
whom you have served, will carry what you cannot. He knows how. He prepared
long ago. He suffered your infirmities and your sorrows when He was in the
flesh so that He would know how to succor you.” – Elder Eyring 2007 Aprilconference
Sunday,
August 05, 2012
- Moving out
in !!!8 DAYS!!! Holy crap! This is probably the last random thoughts I’ll post
from home :(.I am excited for change, but I’ll definitely miss the ward here
too. It’s become a great tight knit group like unto my Orem ward back in the
day. I hope me and CJ can be part of making our new ward like that. Or that it’s
already close :D
