Random Thoughts 30 (7/1/2012)

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

- “’You get what you pay for’ applies to spiritual matters too.” – Elder Holland, October 2010

- “She gives me presents, with her presence alone.” – Jack Johnson, Angel

Sunday, June 10, 2012

- At ward prayer, someone shared a great talk from 1952 by President Kimball. It talked about how often times we can’t see the end from the beginning, we just need to take a step forward anyway. Nephi didn’t know how he’d get to the plates when he went in. Moses didn’t know how he’d cross the Red Sea. There was no ram in the thicket when Abraham went up to sacrifice his son. It was perfectly stated too, but I tried looking it up and didn’t find it. The search on LDS.org is not very good. It finds a bunch of hits with matching “the” and “of”s… but a 1952 talk might not be on there anyway :P.

- Was thinking about what I could be doing better and singing O Lord My Redeemer in the car, and the lyrics “And the more that I'd inquire, the hotter burned the fire. I found joy, beyond compare.” Hit me hard. How can I expect answers if I don’t ask questions?

Monday, June 11, 2012

- Me: Procrastinate. It's the only logical course of action. Kate:  what are you putting off? besides a fair amount of sex appeal ;). Me: That was the best response, I have EVER received, to any comment EVER

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

- So I just got an automated call that said “Hi this is Bob Bennett. I apologize for intruding on our evening with a robo call but I think this is important.” And I said “alright Bob.” And the call hung up, haha.

Friday, June 15, 2012

- I’ve come closer to really believing I’ll never get married in mortality than ever before during this past week. I dislike my lack of faith.

- Those who followed Satan in the pre-mortal world lacked trust in God to get them to eternal life. How often in mortality do we do the same? (prompted by Elder Eyering Oct 2010 Sunday morning)

Saturday, June 16, 2012

- Super awesome day! It started with a great episode of Legend of Korra, and ended with dinner at Neal’s place that night. But probably my favorite was mid-day. Micah and Josh brought their friend Cullen, and I got Rob and Spencer (DnD with Steph friends) over, and we made our crew for the Mistborn adventure game. It was super fun brainstorming with that bunch of guys! I’m super excited to get to play! But it won’t be frequent, lol. Thus far I don’t think we’ll meet up until July 21^st at the earliest haha.

- Dinner at Neal’s was also good though. I wanted an excuse to see some Orem people. So we got Todd Schriener, Camilla Meyer, and Jorden Hobush over. Me and Jorden are supposedly going to go see the midnight showing of Brave (the new pixar movie) Friday, so that should be fun too. But the best part of the whole thing was after Neal took me back to my chair (I was stuck on his couch before) and we got to talk 1 on 1 for an hour. It’s good hearing him talk about wanting to be more motivated (church and life) although he doesn’t quite have the right motivators around right now it seems haha. Especially with Andrew getting married. P.s. Andrew Clark is engaged! Marriage in September. They won’t get married in the temple at first L Megan has a past. But as Neal understands it, Andrew is confident Megan is re-committed and moving in the right direction. I hope it’s the case, Andrew deserves someone who supports him in the gospel.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

- Another reason I love cats. Gambit sleeping, head on my shoulder, stretched out between my arm and my torso, with a paw on my face.

- So I’ve tried the solving a problem per week thing. And it’s been TOTALLY SUCCESSFUL! We found an apartment for me Cj and Josh. I took a half-day off and we all went shopping  12-4. Finally settled on Ventana apartments behind the Krispy Kremes near UVU. Way bigger than my Wolverine Crossing place, just as close to the freeway, and I’ll even have the roll in shower I want! Then the second week my objective was advertizing for bowel care help. I got sick mid week so that slowed me down and I haven’t posted these yet… But on Friday I made…

- If you feast on the scriptures, they WILL tell you all things you should do. If you look forward to scripture reading like you look forward to eating on fast Sunday. If every day is a scripture fast, you'll be worthy of the above blessing.

Monday, June 18, 2012

- Me: “OH YOU REMINDED ME OF SOMETHIN... I'm shouting aren't I?” Sarah “You are what we call cyber-shouting, yes.” Me: “Who does "we" include? I mean, I'd assume you and I, since we're (<-- see the "we" in that?) the ones having a conversation. But then if I'm included in "we", how is it that I'm being introduced to a definition already established by we? So confused...”

- I figured out why there are more awesome and physically attractive women than there are men. See, when someone lacks the standard "popular" traits, they tend to make up for it by developing an awesome personality. Good looks is the foremost requirement of "popular" people. My experience of girls as a whole is they never believe they're as beautiful as they really are. So, believing their looks less, they make up for it with awesome personality. But in the end they actually have BOTH!

- Audrey just called at random and apologized for “treating you like crap. And I don’t ever say crap so that’s saying something.” And it was nice. I have felt stepped on a lot and I was ready to let it just dwindle into whatever. But I also don’t like holding grudges. So I’m happy to do my best to go back like it’s a clean slate.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

- “All I know is I don’t know how to be someone you miss.” Sappy Taylor Swift lyric that resonated with me today haha.

Friday, June 22, 2012

- Still pretty low on dating. I have an active run around type personality, so I tend to be attracted to similar girls. However, girls like that tend to be attracted to similar guys. Since I can’t actually run around and play ultimate Frisbee, or soccer, or go hiking, etc, I can’t seem to hold said type of girls interest. So it feels like I can’t have that type of girl. I also don’t want someone that feels like I’m settling for someone though. Whoever I marry deserves to feel like I love everything about them, I’m not good at faking genuineness. Anyway it adds up to feeling pretty hopeless. This was spurred a bit because I don’t think I have a chance with Alicia at this point when Marcus is interested in her (and her back) and he can do all the things I used to do but can’t now.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

- Youth activity summit! Awesome activity. Some of my favorite highlight quotes conveyed John Bytheway or Sheri Dew.

- “Regardless of your original intention, you will eventually become what you surround yourself with.” And “You are the average of the 5 people you hang around with most.” These really make me wonder about what and who Neal and Micah surround themselves with. But as far as I go? I think I’m doing ok. Not great but ok haha. 5 most common

     Sheri Dew:

“There’s a common lie that a ’balanced man’ deliberately guards against becoming too righteous.” (Elder Carlos)

- Fun dating activity idea. John Bytheway showed a clip from candid camera where people would walk into an elevator and face the opposite direction, and see if people would follow suit. It’d be fun to come up with and do some candid camera-like activities.

- Suggested number getting line I thought was fun haha "I'd love to get to know you better. And I'd kick myself if I didn't get your number!" The dating coach was fun, but her whole lecture centered on first interactions. I can get a number if I really want, or go on dates. Making any of those turn into meaningful relationships is the hard part.

Sunday, June 24, 2012

- Audrey is still awkward around me haha. She just reacts differently than before to my jokes or sillyness or serious comments or anything really. Goof.

- So sacrament meeting is a good time to make and review weekly goals, this week they were:

- Read a chapter in the BoM every day.

- Read a chapter in the OT thrice a week.

- Index a batch

- Temple (I only go bi-monthly)

    And I totally did them all. I also like to throw in a non reoccurring problem to solve, like fixing my car or deciding where to move. Haven’t always hit those goals every week.

- Awesome quotes from the fireside tonight with Dan Clark:

“If we became what we thought about, I'd be a woman by now.”

“I was so skinny I had to jump back and forth in the shower to get wet.”

“You’d make a lousy someone else, so who is the real you?”

“Self esteem and motivation don't change behavior. Behavior changes behavior.”

“There's a huge difference between being discouraged or disappointed, and being depressed.” So true by the way! I think people assume depression far too quickly when it’s really just discouragement, I know I’m currently discouraged :/.

“Ask not how to get better but why should I get better, and the how follows.” 1 Nephi 3:7

- “Don't be depressed about growing older. It will make you feel even older. Which is depressing.” – Sarah Flinders Blog

Monday, June 25, 2012

- Try reading scriptures out loud, like you’re recording it for posterity.

- I often feel like there’s actually nothing wrong and I’m just a big whiner when I show up to the doctors office.

- The weird thing about having a 9-5 job is I’m used to change. Classes changing, routines shifting… but with a 9-5, there’s hardly any change in routine. Weird. Note, stuff I work on between 9-5 shifts all the time, and it’s very engaging, I love being a developer J. But the “work 9-5” block doesn’t change.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

- So I used to date cute girls with low confidence, and I haven’t for years now. But I had the thought I went for those girls because I had confidence in their potential. Have I lost faith in them? Or become more selfish in my expectations? Or was my preference shift really a good thing? I don’t know, or really care to answer it right now since I’m not focusing on dating anyway, but it was an interesting thought. And if I don’t write such thoughts down I stop having interesting thoughts.

- Sat next to Camilla from Ireland in institute. Every time she comments it makes me smile haha. Accents are awesome.

- Had to have CJ drive me to work in my new van today while my radiator was getting fixed in my old van. And #1 I really dislike being a passenger, I’m way too used to always driving haha. #2 since CJ was in Orem already, I spent the majority of the last 2 hours of work asking team leads if they could use an intern and telling them about CJ, then bringing CJ in and letting them have an unofficial interview while I went back to work. He basically interviewed for 2 hours straight, but it was good, we talked about it the whole way home. We have high hopes one will pan out :D.

- We all have the light of Christ. One of it’s roles is to act as our conscience. One of the easiest ways to chase it out is by blaming others. Did Christ ever blame anyone for anything ever?

- Even with the Gift of the Holy Ghost we still make mistakes, but it will warn us before we ever make a big mistake (Boyd K Packer, 2011). I don’t remember getting a warning before breaking my neck. I think that’s another small witness it was meant to be.

-  Learned a little tonight about the Holy Ghost’s role as the Holy Spirit of Promise. Who seals our actions in this life. This was a new one to me, I should learn more.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

- Work chat highlight “I used to play video games, but then I took a wife to the knee” hahah.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

- Took the day off and went to Yuba Lake for a Higgins family reunion. It was pretty fun. I knew most everyone would be out on boats the whole time, and so I was excited to play this “fourteen across” solitaire type game I learned at a previous family reunion. But it was CRAZY windy! Like no fun to be outside windy, and throw stuff off the table windy. I had my computer though, and I wanted to play that game!! So I coded it up and managed to play twice (and fail, haha) before my laptop battery died.

Friday, June 29, 2012

- I keep waking up and feeling like after the events of the night, my life will now be significantly different. But it’s not, and I can’t remember what about my dreams would make me feel so haha.

- “And God created Saturn and he liked it, so he put a ring on it.” haha

Saturday, June 30, 2012

- Fun day. Josh is in Japan, so picked up Landon to play board games with me and Micah. We played Stone Age twice and I won both, the first by a fair margin, the second by ONE point! It was like 212 to 213 or something. After Micah left me and Landon went for a walk haha. Discussed philosophy and video games place in our lives (if any) and Andrew’s engagement and such… it was great. Then we came back and played Carcassone with CJ… with FIVE EXPANSION PACKS! So many extra rules! I got absolutely destroyed that game, CJ won by a ton, but it was fun.

Sunday, July 01, 2012

- I may have wrote this already, but I reversed a previous dating conclusion recently. I’ve talked long ago about how every girlfriend I’ve had was just a natural progression to togetherness, I didn’t have to try to go on multiple dates before they started to like me or I them, it almost always was just right up front there was a connection that led to a relationship. However, this is like a Hollywood version of relationships, and real life isn’t like the movies. So I decided maybe I need to try multiple dates, or take out great people who I’m not drawn to yet but think I could be. I’ve been trying that for a good while, it’s why I was pretty much going on a date a week or more for quite a while. But this extra effort stratagem doesn’t seem to be making any difference in my success rate. So I’m stepping it back to “if I want to take them out, I will. But I won’t force myself to try to find someone to take out if there’s no one that’s genuinely calling to me.” Maybe I’ll switch back to focused dating again after moving out, but this is the now.

- Can you get an answer to a prayer about what to pray and fast about? It seems like whatever you prayed about as a possibility, you didn't answer like "yeah that's a great idea!" That being said, today I’m fasting about finding and having the courage to participate in some sort of service. I’m still in a bit of a slump.  I’d like to lose myself in something good, something not alone at my computer, and something service oriented. 

Activities and irritation

Had a fun/sad/interesting/night Thursday (May 31 2012). And now I'm in a blabbing mode so I'll tell the whole story. It was a combined ward Thursday night activity that I didn't think I'd be able to go to because of work, but the late nights I've been putting in HAVE paid off! And although we were hoping to be done by two, we still got done by 4:30 PM! Which is 12 hours faster than our norm lately haha. Anyway with the amount of overtime I've been doing lately, I've generally been burned out and not feeling very social. I know I SHOULD still be somewhat social though so I committed to myself go to this activity anyway... a half hour late haha.

Tangent, it was "Riverton first ward Dutch oven cookoff that our ward is invited to!" As I expected, our ward turnout was not very good, and I have a theory of why, because it's how I felt when it was announced to us. Our activities committee made it sound like it was just the other ward, and we'd be tagging along. Which is essentially true. But it makes it sound like someone else is going to be doing all the work and we're just going to show up and mooch off their food. No one likes mooching or imposing. If our activities committee had said it was a combined activity and the other ward is providing the food this time, it would at least make it sound like we have a right to be there rather than we were coming as an afterthought. I plan to convey the importance of that phrasing difference to our activities committee if they're interested.

 Anyway, not feeling very social I was worried it would be terrible. Although I called Audrey and verified she'd be there. She hasn't talk to me for more than three minutes at a time in months, so I knew if she was the only one I knew it would be lame. When I got there though I saw a girl in the other ward who I used to home teach back in Orem. Aubrey (b not d haha) and I wasn't afraid to go talk to her. Which kicked me into comfortable enough mode for talking to other people I didn't know.

Anyway the real catalyst for this whole free write was my second thirty seconds with Audrey that night. She admitted to me that she never talks for me very long and she stops responding to my texts because I irritate her easily, which flipped on a light switch! I can totally tell when she gets irritated with me in person. I just never really thought that it was at me for some reason before. She's a pretty emotional girl, and most of them are usually happy excited feelings. But whatever she feels it's always very strong. Talking to her a little more later, it made me feel like I am to her how Jason was to me.

 It's funny though because she pesters me to post a new blog. It's going to be weird posting this knowing she reads it. So I'm not going to expand on everything I thought about. But I asked her why she cares to read my blog still. And she said "just because you say things that irritate me doesn't mean we're not friends." Which can be true, and I believe she means it. Sometimes I tend to think of things into much of a black-and-white. But really, my friends that irritate me regularly I rarely make an effort to see. Even those who don't bother me I don't have enough time to see. It would be awesome if I could hang out with Landon and Neal and CJ as often as I see Micah and Josh. But there's just not enough time in a week.

Anyway, I just don't like the idea of being annoying to anyone. I know you can't make everyone happy but I don't have to like it. There is a small consolation in that I had already came to the conclusion that me and Audrey are pretty different, and sometimes I felt bad that we don't text or talk as often as were used to. I've tried to spark such conversations quite a few times actually and they always died off. Now I know why, I guess I'll feel less guilty about it.

Random Thoughts 29 (6/3/2012)

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

- `These two phrases sum up my work day today.

    “I can explain it to you but I can’t understand it for you.”

    “Some people just need a sympathetic pat… on the head… with a hammer.”

- Make a copy of your patriarchal blessing that you can take notes on.

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

- Story time! Ok, one of the reasons Google is so successful is because they give their employees paid time every week to work on whatever they want for the company. Lots of projects which are big now with Google sprung from this time, and that’s why so many things are in beta haha.

Anyway, my company started doing something similar. Quarterly we have a 24 hour “creative spark” event where you work on whatever you want, and at the end everyone shares their ideas/progress and votes on a winner. I decided to participate in this one because someone proposed a great idea that I thought I could code. I won’t go into detail but basically it’s a tool that combines the inspection results from multiple technicians so you can compare what they said and come to a more consistent inspection standard. I LOVED working on it though! Programming is a creative process, building something, it’s very rewarding. Lately I haven’t got to create much though because we’ve had bugs or infrastructure problems to maintain or fix, hard ones too where it’s hard to feel progress. So when I got a chance to use some work time for real creating I loved it. I loved it so much in fact that I worked stayed until midnight that day haha, then all the workday up till voting the next. And guess what? I WON! $500! Good times.

- We got a new team lead finally. His name is Naor (now-err) and he was born in Israel but mostly grew up in Uruguay, random right? He’s super cool though. Raji was easy to get along with but it’s not like we’d be friends outside of work. I feel like if I’d gone to high school with someone like Naor we might have been friends though. He’s just cool and we get each other’s sense of humor. Spent a lot of time together at work too but more on that later…

- I realized a big reason I hate lying awake at night haha. Besides the obvious “I’m in bed, trying to sleep, but now I’m going to be tired tomorrow, and I didn’t even do anything wrong!!” aspect. With me I can’t really get up and do something (pre-break neck if I couldn’t sleep, I’d do some push/pull/sit ups, eat some food, and go back to sleep. Worked pretty well. Now all I can really do is think. And since nothing is going on at 3AM, all I can do is review the past or think of what I’ll do in the future. But I can’t even write stuff down so thinking about the future is annoying too! Actually my hospital bed and phone are a good combination… Although my phone is hard to use from bed lol.

- I may have mentioned this before, but it’s a really good thing I don’t crave junk food like most people. I mean, I’m not health conscious at all, so I’d gobble stuff up and probably have issues because of it. Heavenly Father knew this though, so He just made me with a low desire to eat junk food. Perfact! Haha.

-  Mark 10:13-16 Consider the Saviors tender approach with children. I can’t picture President Monson being like “ew! Get this child away from me!”

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

- So I don’t remember exactly when it was, I think the Friday before this Wednesday, but at 4PM they pulled us into a meeting and basically said “we haven’t released a new product in over a eyar because it keeps having problems. Most companies die if they go this long. We need to fix it and get it out the door ASAP!” So I worked 9AM-Midnight two Fridays and a Saturday, 9AM-6PM the Saturday of my birthday party, and 9AM to 6AM on a Monday (21 hour workday! A new record!) and 9AM to 3AM a couple other days. Work has been INTENSE! Here’s where the aforementioned lots of time with my new team lead has been haha. It has been great though. Wonderful camaraderie working into the wee hours of the morning as a team (and at a time when no one bugs you with side tasks!)

- I did get to take my birthday off to run errands. It was a Wednesday. I d renewed my driver’s license, had lunch with Kalia (way fun!) got my van repaired, vegged out somehow that night until Audrey came over and we opened my birthday presents with the fam. Some way fun stuff. I think if you have to do a gift with me, gag gifts are the way to go. I got a hand cross-stitched sign from Grandma Higgins that says “home is where the cat is”, the stickers to put on my new van, labels to mark my stuff that say “Corbinealious Brycetholomue Campbelliticus Maximus Danger III” and my cell number, and so on. Great day J

Saturday, May 12, 2012

- I KNOW I’ve mentioned this before, but I used to throw parties all the time, and now I don’t like to at all. It’s a little sad to me but it’s true. I decided to throw a party for my birthday anyway. And I was going through the standard stress I dislike of “well who do I invite that will get along? And I need to invite enough people that it’ll be a good turn out but not so much that it’s chaos…” and so on, and it was bugging me, so I was like “forget this, I’m inviting EVERYONE” and I literally sent the invite to like 230 people. I have slightly mixed feelings on the outcome but overall I’m glad I did it. I got to see a lot of people I hadn’t seen in a while, and it was fun. There was like 60ish people throughout the night (not all at once). The problem is I didn’t feel like organizing, so everyone just chatted. And pretty much everyone only knew who they came with. So my host instinct wanted to make sure everyone had a good time, and it just wasn’t feasible. I however did my best to ignore it, I don’t need to be responsible for everyone else’s fun, and I enjoyed myself enough, but I probably won’t do a mixing pot party like that again. Not without actually planning games to play or something.

Monday, May 14, 2012

- I love how cool everyone at work is. If you burn out you just go chat randomly with someone for 5 minutes and then go back to work haha.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

- Diablo 3 came out today! And it is epic, especially multiplayer. I’ve been slightly less social as result of wanting to play it, but gratefully not anti-social haha.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

- So my cousin Celeste Poll passed away from cancer. Today was a benefit concert meant to raise money for a bone marrow transplant, but she passed away a few weeks before. They decided to do the concert anyway though, and they asked me to sing “You Raise Me Up”, which I did, and I feel like it went well. Anyway that ended at like... 4? I’d been playing a bit of D3 during the week, so I figured I should be social after the concert. I called Amannda Batton and we did dinner and discussed books. We ended up agreeing to swap and read The Host for Mistborn. (6/3 update, I finished the host last night and very much enjoyed it). Anyway, I’d discussed doing this same book swap with Alicia Williams, but she didn’t own the book so it hadn’t happened yet. I figured giving Alicia our other copy of Mistborn was at least a good excuse to see her though haha. So I dropped off Amannda and called Alicia to see if I could kidnap her right away, and she said yes! She was just getting off of work! Double win for spontaneity today! Usually it fails me nowadays :/. Anyway, I was just going to bring Alicia to my house to get the book, but my parents were going for a walk and invited us to join them, so we did. Then they invited us to watch “The Iron Lady” with them (kinda weird for someone like me who knew little to nothing about the history the movie was portraying) and we did. And me and Alicia CUDDLED! I went to bed super content that night haha.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

- Numbers 31:46 ends with a winky face!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

- “I invite each one of us individually to recognize that how we disagree is a real measure of who we are and whether we truly follow the Savior.” – Quentin L Cook April 2010 conference. I really liked this quote

- So last night was fun. I came home and found we’re babysitting my 2 year old niece, Becca. And she is SO CUTE! And was so excited to see me! She’s at the point where she says a lot of things, but it’s almost all gibberish besides “yes” and “no” haha. She understands you fine though. “Becca! Go pick that up and tickle your face with it!” pretty complex instructions, but she gets them haha. She was saying my name too though, and it was super cute. Then Haley (3.5?) and Megan (5?) came back. Haley thanked Heavenly Father that she’d get to play with Corby during the dinner prayer (in her princess voice) and Becca repeated “Corby!” mid prayer excitedly. Hard not to feel loved with all my nieces adoring me haha. We drove around the house sometimes with all 3 girls on my chair, it left me grinning all night even though they left at like 7:30.

- So I’m still trying to date Alicia, but I realized part of my worry with the whole thing. She doesn’t reciprocate in any way I can pick up on. I can’t tell if she’s just letting me take her out to be nice. I tell her how attractive she is all the time, or how I’d like to see her, but I don’t really remember her expressing the same back. I mean, she’s willing to go out when I try to take her out, usually if girls aren’t interested they turn down 3^rd and 4^th dates. And she DID cuddle on Saturday, including getting up and then laying back in my lap again (whereas usually girls won’t come back to the cuddle if they get up and don’t want to cuddle) but usually when cuddling someone will hold my other hand that’s not rubbing their arm, or they’ll rub an arm back, or they’ll move into you a little in a “I like that” way, and maybe Alicia just doesn’t express stuff in that way. But really I’m just not sure if she’s being nice or if she’s potentially interested. My usual past responses would be A. Bring up a DTR and find out, or B. stop taking her out and see if she says anything. I feel like I’ve often had DTR’s way too prematurely though, and I also often move on to trying to date other girls before I’ve even really given the current one a chance. Back to a previous analogy of trying to start too many fires and as result none light. So I’m trying to go with C. just keep taking her out when you can and see what happens.

- I love how Gambit switches sleeping places every few weeks. Sometimes it’s CJ’s bed, sometimes it’s the blanket closet, sometimes it’s the couch, sometimes it’s the foot of my bed… the current few week traditional spot for Gambit though, is he comes in at 4AM-ish, puts his head on my left shoulder, and stretches out his body along my torso between my arm and chest. Best cat cuddle position ever haha. And he’s still on my bed every day when I get home! Also makes me happy haha.

Friday, May 25, 2012

- Fought some zombies in my dream last night. Yeah, I’m awesome.

- Also, texting girls the preceding zombie statement as a conversation starter is largely inefficient. I tried it.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

- So my van finally came back from Arizona with the ramp modifications! It still needs the hand controls though… And one of the 3 guys working at Mobility solutions got terminally I’ll, so they’re way behind. They won’t even be able to start my project for 3 weeks. But! We put the alligator stickers on the van, so it’s official now :P

- So Micah FINALLY agreed to read Mistborn! Made me so happy! Haha. The first book took him like a month, then like two weeks for the second, then 3 days for the third. He’s still reluctant to really express enjoying them that much. Whether it’s conscious or subconscious he seems to want to find faults in it. But he did say he enjoyed them, and I think the speed at which he read book three speaks volumes. But whatever the case I’m glad he finally gave reading an actual chance. Maybe he’ll go back to his “books aren’t for me” opinion, but at least I feel like he was exposed to literature he’d like. If he wants more I have other Brandon Sanderson novels, or other good reads I can suggest…

- Been texting another girl I met online a bunch, Sariah. She lives in Florida, and she’s pretty attached to the place. So we’ll probably never meet, sad story. But it’s fun to talk to someone throughout the day.

- Better texting throughout the day is Sarah Flinders! Who lives in Orem! I met her at Natalie Haight’s B-day last year. And she is cute and awesome, I wanted to add her on FB that day, but I was flirting with Natalie a bunch and it felt like it’d be rude to go add and start flirting with her friends. But Sarah added me a few months later and we started talking slowly. At this point we text probably 4/7 days of the week at least a little. She’s a funny one. She is good at so much but she doesn’t believe it at all about herself, she struggles with confidence a lot. All I really can do is tell her how wrong she is when she expresses her supposed shortcomings lol. She’s also scared to death of relationships. I’m pretty distraught with dating too at the moment (not in the same way as her, haha) so I don’t really have  any plans to try wooing her, even though she has a large amount of traits I hope my spouse has someday. It’s good to have friends in the Orem area though. Of all the people I wish I had more time to see but don’t get to, lately she’s probably at the top.

- Finally got the 80% approval from Medicare to pay for my wheelchair! It’s going to cost me $4000ish out of pocket (ugh!) but it’s in motion now…

Monday, May 28, 2012

- I'm sitting in my van and I totally saw bird poop land on my windshield!!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

- Alma 18. Ammon gets SO EXCITED when he sees his opportunity to restoring the flocks of the king, kinda a funny missionary experience to get excited about. But also very interesting and symbolic that literally gathering sheep is one of the first big things Ammon did on his mission…

- Been a rough few weeks at work. Reading sons of Mosiah chapters and a little sad I didn’t get to serve a full time mission. Ignoring the trials of housing and earning a living and dating in favor of just doing ones best to further the gospel for two years sounds amazing.

Friday, June 01, 2012

- So at church a few weeks ago the activities committee went to relief society with a bunch of cake boxes, and they had girls who wanted to pick one and sign their name and number on it. Then they took the boxes to elders quorum and had guys take them. A staged group date basically. The couple works out baking the cake, but they bring it Friday and there would be decorating supplies.  After church Brittany Jorgensen was like "Corby! My box is still there! Come grab it!" We are friends, I was fine with the idea of her being my partner at a group activity haha. I ended up working that whole evening and had to cancel though (I HATE cancelling on people, it's the worst.) And I'm a man of my word, so I promised to take her out next chance I got. She had to cancel the next one, which was funny. Anyway, I finally took her out tonight. I feel bad but I was actually dreading it a little. Our senses of humor clash a bit. And although she says we’re just friends and she’s not trying to date me, I still feel like she is interested and trying. Maybe she’s going for the “become his friend and then it can progress to more” route. Or maybe she’s like a guy and lying to herself without knowing it. But whatever the case I don’t feel convinced. Anyway the date was fine, we did Red Lobster and saw MIB 3. She did like 75% of the talking, maybe more, but it seemed to make her happy and I didn’t need to be heard really so it was fine.

Sunday, June 03, 2012

- So I so so wish I remembered my dreams last night in more detail. I remember there was a big long one with Audrey in it. She did something and I was SO angry at her (I wish I could recall what! I've never been angry at her) and I was running from her but she came after me. Also I could fly haha. Anyway I was still upset with her by the end of the dream, but I feel closer to her this morning for some reason. Weird huh?

- Moving, ahh what to say? Ok, CJ is moving out in the Fall for sure because he got accepted to BYU. I want SO BAD to move out, but I fear I waited too long to move on it, and I’m not even sure I can find health care still. However, I’m thinking this is a “step out into the darkness with faith, and the Lord will guide your feet. Er, wheels.” type scenario. There’s various problems though. #1 wheelchair housing is rare. #2 most places are full already by now. #3 the only time places are open to research is during the workday. I keep thinking when Summer arrives and I have more free time I can dig into figuring it out. But it IS Summer and my schedule doesn’t free up any more than any other time of year. So I really need to figure it out or take days off or both… For health care I’ll probably need to hire out of pocket a nursing student from BYU or something.  Moving out is definitely possible though, oh! And my cousin Joshua Rogers wants to come too! That’d be awesome! Just got to figure out how still.

- The farther you get from a target, the harder it is to hit it. True for both archery and The Gospel.

- I need to set weekly goals to solve specific problems. Find housing week, resolve health care week, etc. If I can solve such problems in one week haha. But often weeks go by without focusing on anything but weekly survival/happiness. I need some future progress in each week, and I think deciding on a focus will help that.

- I always feel like there’s so many things I haven’t talked about, but I suppose I can’t document it all haha.

Random Thoughts 28 (4/22/2012)

Friday, April 06, 2012

- It’s fun to see things I experienced in my WoW raiding days mirrored in the work place. Today, someone at work pulled me into a “chat channel” (skype convo) of the cool kids (some guys in tech ops). The social structure in the chat channel is just like guild chat with a big guild.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

- I frequently type ‘my’ when I mean to say ‘me’, weird.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

- lol, “I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking!”

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

- I didn’t realize I was still relying on my interactions with Audrey to provide some feel of relationship type fulfillment. She has a boy now though (albeit one in Provo) and she doesn’t treat me the same. I think I was expecting that fulfillment but didn’t realize where I was getting it from before, as well as I didn’t realize it’s been gone. She didn’t do anything wrong, but I think that expectation was why I’ve been extra grumpy/lonely lately. After consciously recognizing this today though I imagine I’ll be able to expel it by dropping the expectation.

- I think it’s fair to say gospel answer that isn’t explicitly stated in the scriptures or by the prophets is received through the spirit.

- So along with my Audrey realization today, she used to tell me about everything. I caught a snippet of her journal (she’s told me various times I can read it anytime :P) and it’s clear there’s tons she doesn’t tell me anymore. It was a dating thing I glanced and I can understand why she wouldn’t tell me about dating stuff, but it made me wonder, should I try to re-open the channel of communication? Is that a good idea? Or part of the needed distance if we’re to ever have a chance? I think if I’m looking for the aforementioned relationship fulfillment from it, it’s definitely a bad idea right now, and I’ll only find disappointment. But if it’s truly as a friend it’s probably ok. But I can’t decide if it’s “ok” or dangerous and just puts me in a circumstance that I can learn things that make me unnecessarily jealous or keep my singleness more in my face than necessary. I guess if there’s any worry I should leave it be.

- Don’t go for hugs with people who just give half second brushes. They’re less satisfying than no hug at all.

- At conference I came with the question “can I get out of my wheelchair anytime soon?” I didn’t feel I received an answer. We listened to a talk by Elder Scott again today at institute though, and he said something along the lines of “if you don’t feel an answer, try to reflect on previous times when you might have already received an answer.” I have definitely felt peace that this is where I’m meant to be in the past. It’s been 7 years and I wouldn’t mind leaving this trial behind and regaining the independence and mobility of a fully functional body. I was thinking maybe it’s been long enough, or maybe it will just take enough direct effort and faith, but overall I think the original still stands. It’s not my preference but I can accept it still :).

- Elder Scott’s revelation formula. Fast, pray to find scriptures which will guide him to an answer, then ponder. (may repeat read/ponder steps :) )

- He also mentions physical health can be tied to our ability to receive revelation. I know when I’m wicked tired (hah! Wicked…) I certainly am not in a prompting friendly mode. I wonder if my consistent bladder problems are part of my spiritual retardedness.

- “When you write down your promptings, it’s saying thank you to Heavenly Father”. It doesn’t always have to be a new prompting you’re writing, remember the 7 times rule!

Friday, April 13, 2012

- A work day so crazy you end up eating corn dogs from the break room fridge with BBQ sauce just to survive!? Bring it on.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

- I feel like my life is on pause and I’m waiting for someone to hit resume, so part of my just wants to kill time until it passes. But I have no idea what I’m waiting on. Maybe this is the new normal, and I just need to get used to it and move forward

- “pray alone, aloud, and a lot.”

- So I’m pretty sure in various previous posts I’ve written down good questions to ponder, but then never came up with an actual answer. I decided I’ll try to go back and answer some of them. The first one I found is “When’s the last time you REALLY sat and thought about how you want to be remembered, or how you want people to see you? When’s the last time you wrote it down?” This is appropriate timing since I’m going to die tomorrow as result of a long chain of events begun by putting my shoes on the wrong feet. But that’s a tangent. Coincidentally, my cousin Celeste Poll’s funeral was yesterday. She passed away earlier in the week from Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. So how people do/will remember her was discussed a good amount. Mostly they talked about how pleasant she was to be around even when she was going through trials, her goofy sense of humor, and how sure they were she was living right. If I’m only remembered as the same three things, I’ll be totally happy. I’d like to add “a great father” to the list too. I’d like to have a more powerful testimony than I do now. People seem to believe I’m  perfect as is, so with any luck that means I do have a strong enough testimony and I’m just too hard on myself. I don’t really care if anyone remembers any vocational contributions I made. Yeah, I guess I could sum it up in “A righteous husband and father, and a person you walk away from feeling happier than before.”

- A good thing to do at sacrament meeting, commit “Father, into thy hands I commit my thoughts, words, and actions.”

- So it’s funny how attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. Someone you find attractive following you around and wanting attention is cute, someone you don’t find attractive doing the same things is being a creeper.

- Similar note, I sat next to a cute girl in our ward named Elza, I doubt we’re a dating couple (always a great thing to be wrong about) but it means I often flirt with her shamelessly lol, which is more fun. Anyway half a sacrament I debated scratching her back. Because I love giving back scratches, and it keeps me awake haha, and she was leaning forward. I was afraid she (or anyone who noticed) would read too much into it, so I decided not to. Later in Sunday school, Brittany toldme I can playwith her hair haha, I DEFINITELY feel like she might read more into it. Funny how different interactions with people can be.

- While home teaching Kathryn, she mentioned a cool idea she heard once. Pick a trivial thing per day and think, “how would a holy person do this?”

Monday, April 16, 2012

- Reading my patriarchal blessing… It mentions being a teacher, which I remember, but something that I didn’t notice was it mentions counseling those in need. I didn’t realize this was in my blessing, but I definitely often find myself trying to help counsel others, I love it actually haha. Mostly dating advice, which is funny seeing as I’m still single myself… Most often relationship advice actually (dating or no).

- Lol, “Okay, I did some statistical thinking tonight and realized something. Did you know that if everyone who uses Facebook were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?”

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

- Haha in institute the teacher was talking about “the light in their eyes” and he asked us to give examples of people w know like that, and I wanted to say “I’m taking one out Saturday!” but I figured no one would know who I was talking about haha.

- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? The atonement does this! For me, I’d be more service oriented…

- The desire to make an ambiguous post about an undesirable emotion you are experiencing but don't feel like explaining to anyone can be quite strong sometimes.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

- Amazing how fast a bad picture or terrible post from a facebook friend can chase out the spirit and distract my thoughts for an hour.

- In a meeting at work someone shared their screen and it was solid white, and someone said “all we can see is a bunch of polar bears eating marshmellows in a snow storm.” lol

- So we went and saw Mirror Mirror as a family tonight, worth it. But afterwards was a surprise birthday party for Monica Ripplinger. Her house is just through a gate next to the South Jordan Middle elementary. We went over early so we could get my manual chair inside before she arrived at 8:30. I parked my van in the SoJo middle parking lot, only car there, and we got my manual chair and went through the gate. None of us (me, CJ, and Bryan) had ever been in the back before, and all the lights were off, so we went to the side and CJ hopped the big rickety fence to check the house number. On his way back over to our side of the fence Bryan was like “hey! There are people co- Holy crap it’s Monica and Josh!!” So he hurried and pulled me around the side, and dropped off the loud fence, and we giggles as silently as possible for like 5 minutes straight while waiting for them to leave. I can’t believe they didn’t see us. They saw my van, and I even leave tire tracks in the grass. Had they come around the side, they would have found me and Bryan sitting casually on the side of her house, next to the circuit breaker and gas valve. No big deal. CJ checked the invitation text again after they left, turns out the party was at Kelly’s house. WHOOPS! We went over and it was a totally blast :D.

Friday, April 20, 2012

- I really like long hair on a girl. End story.

- I enjoy that I have it so the UY team will all banter with me. For example

Corby: is that not how we’re doing it? If not, why not?

Bruno: Let me ask Nicolas, what you are saying makes sense

Corby: of course, I always make sense

Bruno: No, not always, but now you are

Corby: truth... hurts...

Saturday, April 21, 2012

- Today’s my one year endowment anniversary!

- Also, I had a great date with Alicia tonight. I took her out once a few weeks ago but I felt bland. We had a good conversation at dinner, but I didn’t feel like I was any fun. This time, we did dinner, and I was the me I like to be (which I believe is fun). Then we came back and played Blockus with Steph and Grant, then just talked and goofed off until midnight. It was fun :). Mostly I’m glad I got to be the me I like to be. I feel like if I take out a girl a few times, and I’m bland all those times. If finally I’m the fun version of me around them, they’ll be like “where did this come from? Weird…” But now been my favorite me once around her, it’ll be more natural for me to do so in the future. Yay :)

- I think one thing that helped my successful date was stopping video games with the guys at 6:00, even though I wasn’t picking up Alicia until 7:30. Video games tend to dull my non-gaming social skills/motivation. Having a break where I went back to non-gaming social (Steph was upstairs to talk to :) ) before leaving was probably helpful :).

- Oh! I also taught Grant “attack cat petting”. Charie, when she pets the cat, goes nuts and rubs him at rapid speed and shoves him around. It seems counter-intuitive, we tend to assume we should be gentle or Gambit will get bugged and leave, but he LOVES it. Grant would rub both sides of Gambits body rapidly and Gambit would stick his but as high as possible, and bring his face super close to the floor, and take little steps like he was trying to get away but couldn’t. But then when Grant stops Gambit immediately turns around and meows for more, it’s hilarious to watch.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

- I need to get independent again somehow, and soon. So I brainstormed this list of things to try…

Call grant/Barry and ask how they survive in a wheelchair.

Call nursing agency and find out of pocket costs.

Can I get back on Cigna? Since I had it?

Post on wheelchair forum, asking what others do.

Search for home health friendly insurance.

- I haven’t got around to the above list because the current book of the quarter is a web development self training kit which gets you a Microsoft certification. Awesome! So I’ve been doing self imposed homework lately haha. Life has been good :)

Random Thoughts 27 (4/3/2012)

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

- Mom made an interesting comment. Some scary laws have been passing which have the potential to diminish religious freedom, and Mom said “I always thought persecution in the last days meant everyone persecuting Mormons, but really it’s probably all religion being persecuted.”

Monday, March 12, 2012

- Hailey (age 3) said family prayer in her "princess voice" last night. Cutest thing ever.

- Whenever hear a dial tone now my brain sings “I need your arms around me I need to feel your touch.” And I’m disappointed when the drum line doesn’t kick in.

- I wish I could read one book and listen to a different book at the same time, it’d be easier to catch up on the books I’d like to that way.

- 2 Nephi 26:29 excellent definition of priestcraft. On this basis, part of why I don’t try to make a living on public speaking is because for me it’d be priestcraft.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

- Jacob 3:5 the Lamanites were more righteous in some ways than the members. I’ll bet this is true of pride/being judgemental a lot today. Members seem to be pretty bad.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

- Just signed papers agreeing to spend more money than I’ve ever spent in my entire life by a large margin. But in a few months I’ll have a new van I can drive!

Friday, March 16, 2012

- Went to the caucus meeting last night and actually really enjoyed it! I also found that rather than knowing like 5% of government processes I really know like 0.03% of government processes haha. I think it'd be cool to be a county delegate someday though.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

- Backup up your computer is hard when you’re a digital packrat L

Saturday, March 24, 2012

- If I ever feel bad about how rarely I update my journal I’ll just read Omni, they update like every 50 years!

- Omni 1:25 has no seed to pass on to? Do you think if he had a daughter we would have had a section written by a female in the BoM?

­Sunday, March 25, 2012

- Hmm, not much to blog. I reactivated my LDSPlanet subscription and have been having some fun conversations and a date so far, but nothing of extreme note.

- Temple miles! I should list these every time I post haha, but I don’t. I have them recorded somewhere so meh. That being said 513.4, 381.9, 294.2, 301.7, 167.8, 308.4, 343.4 (study), 379.5, 428.8, 322.7, 458.8, 441.5, 237.1, 612.0, 138.9, 533.4.

- I’ve had to go later in the week a few times due to speaking engagements or the like, and I don’t like having to wait until the weekend haha. It doesn’t make sense why it’s any different but I prefer early in the week. That’s why some of the listed miles spike from 237 to 612 and back though.

- Also, I’ve decided I’m not taking institute on a Wednesday again, or a Tuesday for that matter. If I get a speaking opportunity outside of Sunday it’s almost always one of those two days.

Friday, March 30, 2012

- Mosiah 3:12 I really respect people who make good choices without the gospel, I feel like it’s the only reason I do most the things I do, and some days it’s harder than others. Today is a hard day haha.

- Mosiah 3:19 another verse I’m failing at lately. I struggle with faith that I’ll get to have an eternal companion in this life. I feel like I can keep pushing forward with faith and getting hurt when I don’t get what I’m hoping for, or I can just not expect to have any success any time soon, but that feels like lack of faith to me. Neither scenario sounds terribly appealing. What I need to do is keep trying with faith, but try not to get hurt when it’s still not time yet.

Monday, April 02, 2012

- My team lead quit today to be a stay at home mom! And Aaron (the only other developer by profession on my team) is moving to a different team at the end of the month! It’ll just be me and people that came to dev from QA if they don’t hire anyone soon :/ and they’ve already been looking for a good while. Work’s gunna be hard the next while it seems haha.

- Overheard at work, “If I could pull it off, I’d be a stay at home dad, with my dog.”

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

- Ok wow, I had a bunch of notes on my phone. I should date them, because I have almost no idea when they were. But you don’t really care which day I wrote them down anyway, do you?

- The scriptures say “that men ‘might’ have joy.” Hard times are normal. We aren’t guaranteed constant joy even when living right.

- "And it came to pass" not “and it came to stay”. Trials happen, but they pass too.

- Only when we've reached a boundary can we stretch our boundaries. If we play small our boundaries shrink to accommodate us.

- Do not confuse motion for progress. A rocking horse moves a lot, but goes nowhere.

- Move! The Lord can't steer a parked car.

- Most people’s misperceptions of BYU rules is that they are not “right or wrong” rules, they’re “smart vs stupid” rules. Curfew isn’t a sin, and BYU isn’t saying it’s a sin to stay out late, it’s a smart guideline though.

- “One reason it's so easy to overuse digital activities,” says Ken Knapton, “an Internet safety expert, is that they lack the kind of natural boundaries that help us moderate other activities. A child stops playing softball when his or her arm gets tired or when it gets too dark to see the ball. It's much easier to ignore the subtle cues that tell us when it's time to stop watching funny animal videos, looking at friends' Facebook photos, or beating the next game level.”

- Great ensign talk on time wasting, had 10 signs you're 'overloading' in a digital world.

- I’ve noticed I seem to have much shorter dating cycles now that I’m older. Both parties seem to know faster whether it’s worth pursuing or not sooner. Maybe we’re doing it wrong.

- Avoid masks that hide your true identity. The KKK did things they might not normally do because they had masks. Many places online allow you to be anonymous. –talk by Quentin L. Cook

- I realized today why I don't care for nutrition. It's too much like politics. Most everyone can agree that there is a problem, like white bread or carbonation. But everyone has a completely different solution to what you should do instead. And their solutions are always backed by completely solid scientific documented evidence, even though said evidence frequently contradicts the completely solid scientific documented evidence of another solution. Plus I live at home right now, so my mom just gives me good stuff anyway and I don't have to care.

- It's amazing how much of a book you can read without a single word registering.

- I wonder how many words per minute the different apostles speak at.

- I find that my ability to focus on scriptures or gospel talks is directly proportional to my CONSISTENT focus and effort to seek gospel principles. A micro burst of faithful focus right before conference is insufficient.

And a few conference favorites (paraphrased)

- We can’t add calculate the sums of life’s circumstances, because we don’t have all the numbers. – David S. Baxter

- The fact something is good is not always reason enough to commit time and energy to it. – Uchtdorf

- “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.” – Uchtdorf

- ‘Do your fish ever thank you for feeding them? No? Are we like that with God? ‘And ‘The attributes by which we will be judged someday are all spiritual.’ – Russell M. Nelson

- Uhh, I could just paste all my notes here. I’ll stop…

Random Thoughts 26 (3/4/2012)

Friday, February 03, 2012

- I don’t remember what the final catalyst was for this, but I decided to start a study journal for scripture reading (and other gospel study) which I try to write at least one thought in every day, even if it seems silly or unrelated. So various of my posts might come from that too in the future. I won’t bother differentiating them from the posts only in here.

- Reading in the Eternal Marriage manual (henceforth EM) I read “The Man of Power is one who presides— By long-suffering. He waits when necessary and listens to the humblest or youngest person. He is tolerant of the ideas of others and avoids quick judgments and anger.
By gentleness. He uses a smile more often than a frown. He is not gruff or loud or frightening; he does not discipline in anger.”
This bold part stuck out to me in connection to a friends recent blog about getting angry that a girl decided to date another guy. He spent a lot of it justifying that him getting angry and lashing out at her wasn’t childish, it totally made sense and thus it was an ok thing to do. I disagree. It makes sense why he did it yes but it doesn’t make it an excusable behavior. Feeling hurt is not childish. But allowing mood fits to control our actions in the heat of the moment is childish. At least, I’m disappointed in myself when I act in such a way anyway.

- Continuing the quote…
“By love unfeigned. He does not pretend. He is sincere, giving honest love without reservation even when others are unlovable. “ EM -15
Yikes, so like, Baards, Ephraims, other people that the majority of people find awkward to be around? I could be better at this.

- “If charity is not always quick to our understanding, it may occasionally be quick to our misunderstanding. It is not charity or kindness to endure any type of abuse or unrighteousness that may be inflicted on us by others.” EM -16
GREAT quote on why we don’t need to endure terrible relationships. I’ll stash this away for female friends who are dating jerks…

Sunday, February 05, 2012

- Moroni 1:1 I Hate when I think I’m finished writing something but it turns out I have a bunch more to write haha. Sorry Moroni!

Thursday, February 09, 2012

- Moroni 8:10, it’s funny how many things children do right that we tend to lose as adults.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

- Moroni 10:4 I still need to really do this, all my attempts thus far have been short and pathetic :/

Sunday, February 12, 2012

- So… In getting back into singing post accident I got in the habit of closing my eyes to really focus on getting the sound right again methinks. At this point I really don’t need to close my eyes, I just do so out of habit. I should get over my awkwardness here.

- Doctrine and Covenants 1:17–19 (weak things of the world become strong) All attributes have pros and cons. I’ll bet turning our weaknesses to strengths is just a matter of switching the traits from their negative version to their positive version. ie:arrogance vs confidence.

Monday, February 13, 2012

- Moroni 10v23 “If ye have faith ye can do all things which are expedient unto me.” To me, faith isn’t the hard part, I know He can do all things. To me the hard part is knowing what is or isn’t “expedient unto [Him]”. Is that different?

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

- “If I were perfect there’d be no room for asking you to fill this place by my side” – Tyler Hilton, Kiss On Me

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

- “This is according to the account of Nephi or in other words, I, Nephi, wrote this record.” I love this for some reason. It’s like someone said “The adventures of this guy and his family, and they did this awesome thing, and that cool thing. This according to the account of Tim, which is TOTALLY ME!”

Thursday, February 16, 2012

- Someone at work asked “do you think phishing attacks would be more effective if they used proper spelling and grammar?” and it was an interesting question, but I think not. The people that are smart enough to care are also smart enough not to be fooled. I think the writing style of phising attacks is tailored to the target audience :).

- 1 Nephi 2:17 Sam is an example of relying on another testimony! Like in D&C 46:14. I like that because I feel like that’s me too :).

Friday, February 17, 2011

- 3:5 Have I ever been teased about my standards when they were really the Lords standards? I can’t think of any time really. I’ve heard people justifying their actions being different from mine, but never teasing me about mine. I guess people see my confidence in what I’m doing and they don’t see any point/feel the need to press me. Maybe Drew? Even him not really though.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

- Had tons of fun random dreams last night. I think my favorite was riding a ride like “the rocket” at lagoon, except it was completely invisible. Freaky awesome!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

- 1 Nephi 7:1 I would have been so relieved when Lehi got the commandment for us to go back and bring female companionship haha

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

- My manager's eyes kept drifting down to my neckline while he was talking to me today. And I totally got to say "Hey! My eyes are up here!" spilling mustard on a white shirt has never paid off so well.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

- Laaame, I clicked on a link on Andrew’s facebook page, “gasparti nutrition new product launch” or some such, and there’s no way the picture for that “nutrition” page can be described as anything but pornography. Not cool.

- 9:2 haha “the wars aren’t in this book, THEY are in “the plates Of Nephi”. THESE are “the plates of Nephi”. I went all out naming these bad boys.”

- 10:17 what if every time we heard the prophet speak at conference we went and prayed to know the truth of the message for ourselves?

Friday, February 24, 2012

- I guess I’ve got friends on the brain tonight, and maybe it’s a tactic to delay from improving myself, but I don’t feel like I’m really struggling with these topics. I know the Lord loves me, I’m definitely not prone to emotional self abuse, etc. But here’s another one I think it’d do good of they really internalized… “In high school I did a lot of things that I am now ashamed of. I lied and stole from my friends and family, generally rebelling against everyone and everything. With a lot of help from my family, I decided to change and was able to turn things around. But even though I had changed, for years I looked back and was terribly embarrassed of who I was and what I had been. Two things helped me accept the Lord’s forgiveness and love.

First, I remembered the stories of Alma and Alma the Younger in the Book of Mormon. In both cases they were unrighteous as youth and then changed their lives, both becoming great prophets. (See Mosiah 18, 27.) I realized the Lord would not have allowed them to be prophets if He did not approve of the people they had become, and they were able to gain His approval despite their unrighteous past.

Second, I thought of Doctrine and Covenants 64:10: “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” Only the Lord has the right to decide whether or not to forgive me. I realized that I was obligated to forgive myself, just as I would be required by the Lord to forgive others.

Self-doubt and self-loathing drive the Spirit away. Once you have repented, replace your doubt and guilt with an attitude of self-forgiveness, and the ability to feel the love of God will follow.” Feb Ensign, “Questions and Answers” last submitter story.

- Another good “trials are good for you!” quote. “Surely it is better to find the goodness of God and the grace of Christ, even at the price of despair, than to risk living our lives in a moral or material complacency that has never felt any need for faith or forgiveness, any need for redemption or relief.” EM 24

Saturday, February 25, 2012

- 1 Nephi 12 – I’ll be really interested to learn what eternal law makes certain numbers significant someday.

Monday, February 27, 2012

- I'm absolutely devastated. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this loss... Arby's no longer has Arby Melts...

- Note to self: trying to categorize what cost you $45 from Best Buy 11 months ago is difficult to do. New resolution. Categorize all transactions more effectively. (I used to have a general “Entertainment” category. Not specific enough. Movies, Play/show, video games, other.)

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

- CJ and Michelle broke up last night. It made me notice how it seems like college age relationships that don’t progress to marriage seem to last shorter.

- “Suspicion is the new religion.” Switchfoot song, Selling the news. Sad but true!

Thursday, March 01, 2012

- Calling customer care back until you hear what you want to hear can mean the difference between a free 6 cell battery and a free 12 cell.

- So… Bryan put a playstation remote on the top of the banana rocker. Princess jumped on the bottom, and the slight rocking dislodged the controller and it fell on her. She was freaked out, and we felt a little bad, but it was super funny.

Friday, March 02, 2012

- 2 Nephi 27:3 this is how I feel if I try to get life satisfaction out of video games only.

- 27:35 an awesome day for Drew!

Saturday, March 03, 2012

- So I went and hung out at Landon’s last night, we played some Warcraft 3 custom scenarios, they were fun. I had to beg Landon to let me leave though lol, I finally resorted to asking Jo to make her husband take me home, and she unplugged the monitor haha.

- I think I’ve got a decent mental draw for weekly temple and daily scripture study. However, I feel like it’s the feeling I made some effort to work on my spirituality far more than it is the actual scripture or temple experience :). Endowment sessions specifically I miss if it’s been a couple weeks actually… I dunno, I’ll stick with it and hopefully learn to enjoy this things for better reasons.

- Haha so Cj and Michelle got back together the next day, felt weird about it, and broke up again the next next day. Sad, I did like Michelle, it’s nice to not be the only bachelor though.

- 28:24-25 I feel dangerously close to this “all is well” attitude frequently.

Sunday, March 04, 2012

- I think the most common straight forward commandment active LDS members break is swearing. It’s sad to me. It should be really easy to keep, and I’d hope it’d be an obvious differentiator from the rest of the world. But it’s not :(

Random Thoughts 25 (2/5/2012)

Sunday, January 01, 2012

- I probably have “platoed” (when doing the same exercise stops bringing new growth) with my spirituality. But at least it’s at a point where I’m productive and clean. Sometimes I feel like I’m not progressing, so what’s the point of all my scripture reading and temple attendance and what not? But I realized all these things are what is sustaining the better person I feel I am compared to what I was. If I want to further become better, I’ll need to add to my spiritual workout.

- “Having faith may not make it easy, but it will make it possible.”

- In EQ they read the story of a boy swimming into a current , ignoring the warning signs, and when he thought he was going to die he called out and a lifeguard was there instantly. The lifeguard had been watching and waited until the boy asked to save him. Do you ask for help?... Also, I believe this is the way we are usually taught. If the lifeguard saved the boy before the boy even realized he was in danger, the boy wouldn’t know it was actually dangerous. If the Lord saves us from mistakes before we realize it’s a mistake, do we learn?

Saturday, January 07, 2012

-AWESOME date with Audrey last night, so fun J. And even insightful… basically, if I get to keep Audrey, it will take a long time. She’s worth it and I’m content to wait right now. If it turns out she’s not that’ll be sad but I’ve been praying to recognize and accept the Lord’s will in this either way, and I think I’m doing ok.

- Reading the Sunday School lesson for this week, it includes the 11 goals of George Albert Smiths “personal creed”. Many of them are centered around preaching the gospel, I wish I had the confidence to set those for myself at his time, but I don’t :/. However, these ones I do,

- “I would be a friend to the friendless and find joy in ministering to the needs of the poor.”

- “I would not seek to force people to live up to my ideals but rather love them into doing the thing that is right.”

- “I would avoid the publicity of high positions and discourage the flattery of thoughtless friends.”

- “I would not knowingly wound the feelings of any, not even one who may have wronged me, but would seek to do him good and make him my friend.”

- “I would overcome the tendency to selfishness and jealousy and rejoice in the successes of all the children of my Heavenly Father.”

- “I would not be an enemy to any living soul.”

Sunday, January 08, 2012

- “He does not believe that does not live according to his belief” weird phrasing, but true statement. If you don’t live it you don’t really believe it.

- “Courage is required to make an initial thrust toward one’s coveted goal, but even greater courage is called for when one stumbles and must make a second effort to achieve.”

- I got SUPER sick this week and missed two days of work, they were rough. I ended up asking CJ and Bryan for a blessing in the middle of the night when I was so uncomfortable I felt like crying. I instantly started to feel much better. The night was still a little rough, and I still couldn’t go to work the next day, but it was much better (as promised in the blessing). There were a lot of interesting things in the blessing, I wish I had it recorded. But two that really stood out was that the Lord sends physical trials specifically to humble me, and that I need to server others. I got the impression those to serve are so close I just need to find them. So I’m fasting about it today…

Monday, January 09, 2012

- [If young people] “would resolve from the moment of their marriage, that from that time forth they

would resolve and do everything in their power to please each other in things that are right, even to the sacrifice of their own pleasures, their own appetites, their own desires, the problem of adjustment in

married life would take care of itself, and their home would indeed be a happy home. Great love is built on great sacrifice, and that home where the principle of sacrifice for the welfare of each other is daily expressed is that home where there abides a great love” – Harold B. Lee

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

- Audrey sent me this last night, thought I’d document it just in case it’s true.. “Corby. My brain is not slowing down. so i'm still awake. basically though.. i just got really hot and my heart was pounding out of my chest. Cause i really think one day i'm gonna marry you. Haha. We will definitely see. But dang. You totally fit in my patriarchal blessing. one day i'll tell you how. Haha. anyway. Now that that's off my chest, hopefully i can sleep. Dangit. Haha. good night, :).”

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

- Mormon was probably as spiritual in his youth as Joseph smith! Mormon 1:15 “ And I, being "fifteen years of age and being somewhat of a sober mind, therefore I was visited of the Lord, and tasted and knew of the goodness of Jesus.”

Sunday, January 15, 2012

- So Audrey came over and we watched Miss America last night with Cj, Michelle, Bryan, and Ashley. Random I know, but if Audrey will play my board games (she’s played a couple with me) then I can watch her silly shows with her haha. It was an AMAZING night though! (the company, the show could have been anything really) she put me on the couch and we had a real cuddle haha. But we talked about all sorts of fun stuff haha.

- Mormon 5:2 capitalizes “Being” as it should because it is referring to deity, but I just thought it was interesting I’ve never seen it capitalized before…

Friday, January 20, 2012

- BRIAN REGAN!!! So funny! I took Audrey and doubled with Adam and Kellie. The funny thing though is my favorite part of the night was talking to Audrey for like 2-3 hours after. We had a real heart to heart I think. The closest thing to a DTR we’ve had. But basically it concluded with us enjoying “whatever we are” but not becoming official, even though I expressed my interest to do so if she was willing. She just doesn’t want a boyfriend even though she can’t really explain why, and I couldn’t help her puzzle it out. She’d be more comfortable with me as a fiancée then a boyfriend haha, it doesn’t make any sense. And although I care about her deeply and think she’s amazing and I’d love to keep dating her, I’m not anywhere near a marriage level of confidence yet. So we get to be whatever we are until she changes her mind one way or the other :)

Thursday, January 26, 2012

- Work has been crazy! Our team is finally making the ReEn shift to TDD and transitioning our QA people into developers. It’s been fun though, and I’m still excited about it. It has almost felt like when I first started at work again, because I’m learning various new technologies and processes, which is fun. The hard part is it almost feels like we’re expected to produce at the same rate even though we have to write tons of extra tests, get used to the process, and mentor others. I happen to be on the team with the oldest most monolithic product in the whole company (which should be 750 employees by the end of the year, by the way. My team is about 10 of those people). It means ours is the hardest and slowest to transition over. Oh well, I feel very useful at work haha, especially when I’m helping the QA guys in Uruguay troubleshoot their problems and they get it :D.

- Today I found out not even medicare will pay for home health (We already found UHC wouldn’t) It’s been a tough morning. This really might mean there’s no way to get home health paid for rather than out of pocket, which would be a minimum of $12,000 a year. This is why everyone I talk to has a cousin or hires someone on the side… I had no idea how blessed I was to have home health these past 5 years. But it’s a hard mentality shift because it means I have to ask more of the wife that I already can’t seem to find because of how much I have to ask of her. :(

Monday, January 30, 2012

- “Only two thing are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity.” And I’m not sure about the universe…

- "The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen all at once."

Thursday, February 02, 2012

- So I was at work book club discussing "The Lean Startup" book with a few big wigs at the company (making me feel cool lol) and I made some comment "I've only been here since February but..." and someone was like "it is February" and I realized "Woah! I've had this job over a year now! Crazy!"

Sunday, February 05, 2012

- “Moderation in all things” requires a variety of activities. Even, say, reading scriptures all day every day would be unhealthy if you let family relationships and church callings slide.

- I don’t think I’ve mentioned this, but the last two months or so I’ve been getting together with Josh and Micah every Saturday to play video games together. We started with Castlevania: Harmony of Despair, beat it, and have moved on to Dungeon Defenders for now. It’s been great having something to do to keep those friendships alive, and it’s the only real video gaming I do anymore haha.

- Except! Friday I was home bound while my van was getting fixed, and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. Recently I bought Star Wars Force Unleashed 2 from blockbuster for $5 when it went out of business. I don’t really play single player anything anymore, but I figured Friday was perfect for it. That game is SO AWESOME! I don’t even know how many times I told people that haha. Great testosterone game lol. I ended up staying up till 3 and beating it haha. And that’s even with a 2 hour break when Audrey stopped in. She got in my manual chair and I chased her around the kitchen haha. Then we had another DTR like conversation. It was kind of like another almost breakup for our almost together status. In the last two weeks, she has had FIVE different guys either ask her on a date or strike up a conversation out of nowhere that we’re sure has the objective on asking her out lol. She still wants to date other people but she also wants to keep me. She’s hilariously conflicted. I asked if it would make her feel better if I took other people out, and she said “yes, but it would break my heart.” Those aren’t the same thing either!! She’s great though, we’re still “whatever we are” right now, but I’m sure I’ll have to lose it for a while before I’d get to keep her for good (if I get to keep her) and it’ll be a little hard when I “lose” her. But I’m prepared it will happen and that’ll make it ok.

- I could be much more humble and submissive to the Lord.

- It's funny to me that the brother of Jared knew the Lord had a body and a finger. But not a body of flesh. That being said, pretty sure I'd still be stunned to see His finger myself.

- Someone shared a testimony of how for a brief moment they were given a glimpse back through the veil, and saw what they were like and what they did there. And it's changed their life. That sounds neat.

- “We can't direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails”

- SUPER interesting post on scripture study, and how our brains form and stimulate connections when we do anything at all. When idle our brains crave stimulation for the strongest connections. That's why we check our phone or FB so often. Basically what I got out of it was "whatever you do most, your brain naturally desires more of that. So try to do scripture study until (and after) you desire it."